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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Barking Good Time with the Wolverine


Yes, I, LILI, was dragged to the movies last night by my BFF, Derek to see Wolveine! He insists he's related in some way to a wolverine. He's a second cousin, five times removed... on his uncle's side by marriage, I think... He's a nut. I mean the uncle... Not Derek.

We settled into our seats in the first row. The theater was too crowded. We munched on popcorn and Good and Plenty. Yum!
 
When the movie began, it felt like we were sucked into the screen! We were so close, I noticed a scratch on one of wolverine's claws!

It was very loud, especially when you have such a keen sense of hearing like Derek and I have! At one point, I covered my ears with my paws!

Not being a fan of wolverine, I was lost. Derek was practically jumping out of his seat during the fight scenes. I was so annoyed I growled at him and at one point my claws came out. He spilled soda in my lap.

The movie wasn't too bad, but like I said, I had no idea what was going on. Who's Jean? Why does everyone think Hugh Jackman is so HOT? Derek's much better looking.

The Japanese girl with the magenta hair was amazing how she jumped in the air with her Samurai sword! Wow! Amazing! I turned to Derek and said aloud, "Oh, I can do that!"

The audience applauded me. I was embarrassed...just a bit and shhh'd them! 

One thing that really made my wolf come out... There was a CAT in the film! Why didn't they call me? I am much better looking! They must have I thought to myself, I was convinced and didn't get the message!

Peeples! That DARN poodle never gives me any messages.

Watch the movie folks! Give the wolf some respect!
There is delicious Japanese food in this film. I was starving afterwards and since there are not many Japanese restaurants in the Hamptons, I had to settle for an egg roll! Hold the MSG.

HOWEVER, the movie does move along and it's fun to see Japan, Land of Sushi and Neon. It's much better than Superman. That one put us both to sleep.

So everyone get out your swords and fight the crowds to see Wolverine!

It is as easy as 
Ichi, Ni, San.... 1,2,3! 
Buy a ticket!!
Sayounara!!



Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Bachelorette: Who's Crying Now?


Wow! Heavy stuff last night on The Bachelorette !
What a shocker! A big skid on the road of this journey! Was that tire tracks on Des's heart? After all, these are very deep relationships. She has known these men rrrrrruffly ten whole weeks!


Oh, snap out of it.
Des is down to three Ken dolls, I mean guys. 
I was thinking, would I, Lili, fall head over paws for any of them?

Note to self: Umm... Not really!

Brooks is like a Yorkie, always yapping, and whimpering like a cry baby.
Wipe your eyes! Puffy eyes... NOT attractive! Did you peel onions before the scene?

Chris reminds me of a Jack Russell, very energetic and athletic, just spunky. I am tired just watching him!

Drew reminds me of a Cocker Spaniel, always there and wagging his tail. A people pleaser. AnnoyingUghhhh,Not for me.

Oh Des, you really got yourself into a pickle! It is almost as bad as walking into a red ants colony. Do you realize how difficult it is to get those critters out of your fur? Almost as difficult as washing Brooks right out of your luxurious mane! Is it easy? For Lili? Yes! For you? Well maybe not so easy, Brooks will probably be the next Bachelor.

If this happens Des, pick up a Kleenex and watch the show! You must keep up the ratings! You are a now member of the Bachelor Nation!
You have been pinned! Like a sorority!

Let me address the over used word issue in the show. Is it just me?
Hey, the writers really need a thesaurus to switch it up!

Journey 262 times
Amazing 350 times
Incredible 176 times
Loving 354 times 
"Amazing Journey" 768 times
Future 234

All in last night's show!

I have to be honest. I laughed. I cried. I growled at the screen at Brooks! He really behaved like a mutt! At one point, I was throwing my biscuits, until I realized Derek was eating them. Men!


An Emmy Award winning performance!


Brooks realized he was not in love with Des and he discussed it with the whole universe! He discussed it with all of US. Des was the last to know! He behaved like a real cat! Sneaky!

Brooks, I must say your acting last night with the breakup scenes could earn you an Emmy. You were great how you cried continuously and apologized over and over. You didn't want to say goodbye. Brooks, you are a fraud. You didn't even say hello!  You never loved Des! You loved the vacation and you were testing your acting chops!

You kept saying, I don't know what to do, should I leave? Umm... Yes Brooks LEAVE! You lost your vacation rights!

News flash: Chris and Drew are not going to marry you now when they realize the fantasy suite was just that. A Fantasy!
Note to Chris Harrison: Please, look for another hosting gig!
This show is becoming tired.

But, I, Lili will keep watching next week  because unlike Drew, I am committed!
Blow your nose Drew! Your 15 minutes is over!


No, NO, NOOOO.... it's not big enough.

Monday, July 29, 2013

I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can. I'm ready for Dancing With the Stars.

Five, six, seven, eight....

My Favorite Comic Strip: The Green Monkeys

I love the Green Monkeys. Spider and Flytrap tell wonderful tales of ME, Lili. Here is a good one. You can sign up at www.gocomics.com and get the daily comic emailed to you.

They may be green, and not too smart but they know how to pamper ME.


Sunday, July 28, 2013

RHONJ Trash Talking Telling Me Lies!

Hello All ! It's me, Lili!
Another Sunday! I am on the edge of my paws! What will transpire tonight? I am not sure, but let's trash around what happened last week with this booze fueled brawling gang! Note to all involved, stop boozing... drink grape juice or perhaps some delicious Paul Newman's Iced Tea. The proceeds go to charity and with the quantity you drink, you can help the United States and the neighboring countries.

Let's get down to business, everyone, drop your gloves. Go to your corners. Last week Little Joe vs. Theresa's Joe Joe was the highlight of the night! Here is my take on the show with my unstructured sentences and my Oh, So, Lili comments.
Ready, Set, Off We Goooo...  

Theresa didnt help Melissa pull them apart
She didnt want to mess up her hair extensions
I think Rosie could beat them both up
Oh Rich, now you are playing peacekeeper?
Keep drinking Melissa
Shirts were dirty, oh Melissa ... Disgusting disgusting
Like the devil
Put down the vodka guys!
Take another swig of your champagne!
That will really help the sisuation




Break it up, guys! Break it up. 


Oh, Little Joe, you hate him so much
Put your shirt on
Oh, Melissa! Sadam Hussein?????!!!!!
Biting his What?!?!
Eek!
Theresa what did you do?
Rosie, Rosie, hands off the scotch

Melissa clean up your mouth
Your husband has a heart of gold?
Little Joe... Easy on the trash
Joe could have easily bagged you earlier and dumped you in garbage can
Rich... nosy, nosy



Nosy, nosy!

Mind your business
You should be a therapist
Have a drink
Theresa... blood pressure rising
Ooh, down Rosie!!!
Joe, Joe still drinking

Oh cry baby
Little Joe is crying... drowning his tears in a bottle of liquor

I got no beef with the kid, I grew up with him. I will just keep beating him up!
Melissa manipulater
Talk to his sister

Spouses out!
Oh gosh
Little Joe, please stop crying, you will have puffy eyes tomorrow!

Drama King Joe GORGA
Full of poopy
Resolution? They are all just nosy
That's why they stay
Sober up and talk in morning
Kissy face joe joe and Theresa
Fighting words
You got a dum dum brother


Cook a book, yeah, Little Joe, she is cooking all the way to the top of the NY times best seller list
Sun castle? More like stormy weather

Dr. V? That's a doctor?
Eek Dr. V... I don't want to look if you are Italian, I'll take your word for it.
Just coughed up a fur ball

Theresa it got to this point because your brother is jealous

Theresa started a rumor that Melissa is a stripper
Isn't she?

Oh gosh
Joe is wearing a Poison tee-shirt

Ooh, Melissa looks a tad annoyed

They use not nice language
Mother Theresa? Leave her out of this Melissa
Melissa is the problem
Dr. V cast a spell
Miracle worker, Not with this GROUP.

My sister is the devil
The jealous brother
Ouch
Really, yucky? Wow very intelligent Dr. V.

Theresa hates your mate
Because she can't love you like she does??????? Ya THINK?

Little Joe, go...leave.. You won't... Bravo is paying you by the episode!
Not ready to forgive Theresa... of course not. You have to finish the season

Rosie
Having fun a little bit, it was nice
You think?

Stop trying to take us down Little Joe says

I don't trust you, Theresa
I need time I have a solution, drink Pepsi

Caroline walking back into crazy because she's nosy... and she needs a storyline!
Roll your eyes Caroline, you are enjoying this too much! Meow

Melissa embarrassed?
I don't think so!

Remember the song: ON DISPLAY?

Oh, dinner fighting makes us hungry?
Duck jokes, Rich? Really?

Black hair spray Little Joe
Yikes
Oh, guys please... champagne and bath tubs? TMI
Now I need a drink
Brown chicka brown chow? What?

Eek, Theresa, keep it private
I don't like it ruff? You bark too?


Is it cold?
Why do they wear hats inside


Rosie is the only one that talks sense when I can understand her

Little Joe, jealous of Theresa success
And so is Melissa
What can you do Little Joe?
Spray your hair and go home

The Manzo love to trash it over
Glass houses shouldn't throw stones

Caroline to the rescue...
A plot to kill her? A plot to... Give her a storyline
I know what you are thinking

My blog is Long and Drawn out today!
Just like this family Feud!


I can't believe it. They're reading my BLOG!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Louis Vuitton The Face Of Lili

I was absolutely livid when I learned that the new face of Louis Vuitton was Michelle WilliamsDoes she even wear their designer collar?

I Do!

I have all the luggage and accessories! I even have a carrier. I bet Michelle doesn't have one! She would not fit in it!

I found out about their new campaign as I was walking through Times Square.
Boy, that really get my fur in a knot! I placed a call immediately to the Louis Vuitton executives. I told them how dare they not ask me, Lil , before Michelle.

Speaking firmly, I demanded they remove Michelle! Out! Out ! Out!

I wear the accessories I told them in a huff. I coughed out the word collar and substituted it for "necklace." They apologized and told me they tried to call me but someone named Peeples answered and said I was not available for any advertising campaigns!

Peeples! That darn poodle really gets me growling! A growl creeped out but I composed myself. That Peeples! Poodles!!!
Well, I continued using my words calmly... Peeples was wrong!
Now I missed my shining moment!

The executives felt terrible. They explained they got themselves into a real chewy bone! They could not fire Michelle because she signed a contract. 
They begged me to be in the Ad with Michelle. They would spend millions to reshoot it.
 
They needed me! They truly needed me!
They reminded me that I, Lili was the face of Louis Vuitton. I knew it and they knew it! We both knew it!

For the record, Michelle knew it. I'll bet she has a poodle!
So as a favor, I said I would be in the ad along side of Michelle.

Michelle knows who the real face is of Louis Vuitton and it is not her. It's me, me, me! Besides, I am just as pretty! My hair is blonder than hers, and I am more photogenic!
 
That's what Derek tells me...everyday.

The executives promised that they may even change the name to Lili Vuitton.
I told them don't be silly. Bruno Reigns!


She looks nice too... I guess.

The photo shoot was exhausting! I behaved in true Diva fashion! But it turned out gorgeous. Need I say more? The photo speaks for itself!
Michelle dear, sorry I outshine you, but you look amazing, too! I have to run, the phone is ringing.

Gucci's calling.

Au Revoir. Have a sparkling day!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Words with Friends, Barking with Frenemies, and Nudge Nudge Alec Baldwin!

Is that a triple word? It sure is.

The Internet is an amazing tool. Especially that all of you get to visit with me, Lili, each and every day!


I love to win, win, win!


I especially love, love, love WWF ( Words With Friends). It is as addictive as my bacon cheddar cheese nips! I recall a certain celebrity that was involved with an airline in a little fracas when refusing to stop playing WWF before takeoff!

I thought to myself, now, now Alec Baldwin, you are always getting yourself in trouble!

Oops... did I just say his name? I will be getting a phone call as fast as I can count down 3,2,1... Riiiiiiiinggg

Alec calling to scold me about bringing up his bad conduct. He called me a "little big mouth mutt!" He really has to control himself. I am a pedigree, blue blood, Alec!

The ASPCA will soon be knocking at his door!


My handsome movie star!


Alec , Alec... I am sorry my handsome movie star! I do love you and all of your work! You are fabulous! Wonderful! You are almost as fantastic as me!

Note to self: Stroking Alec's ego keeps him smiling! I know from personal experience!

Everyday I, Lili, play Words With Friends with my BFF, Derek. We play about 15 running games. Sometimes he wins but most of the time I win!

I strategize. I block. I play good offense and great defense. I win! I Love to Win! I have to win! Derek tells me I am too competative.

Where on earth did he get that idea? I must beat him! I Cannot lose!
So what if I stop everything I am doing to play a word?

I also play with my  friend, Peeples! She is a poodle and prides herself because she has a doctorate degree in Canine Psychology. She prances around like poodles do, because she thinks she is very smart. She thinks she is great because she doesn't shed.


Peeples sometimes dampens the rug.


But she did have a number of rug incidents in the past and she is always Nudging me!
Annoying!

She thinks she is so intelligent! Well I have news for all of you!
I, Lili, am smarter than Peeples! We played 20 games and I won 19!
I never hit the rematch button, because I don't want to rub her losses in that little wet nose! 
Besides, she just doesn't challenge me enough!

Derek plays her too! He takes joy in beating the great intellectual Peeples.
Derek and I have the best time bringing Peeples down a notch!
Her biggest word was cat and she had the audacity to spell it with a "K" repeatedly. 
Sometimes Derek and I even help each other beat her!

I play words like Lili, star, great, fabulous, dazzling and of course pink!  
And once I played pinky! For 113 points! Double letters, double and triple word all together!

One time, when I was on a flight and I was playing WWF on my iPawThe lovely flight attendant, Jane Plane, asked me to kindly shut down my device.

I didn't snarl, or growl or show my teeth like Alec did. I, being the star I am, inquired in a lovely tone, if the pilot did not mind waiting a moment for me to play one more word. To my surprise, they made an announcement and the flight was delayed for a whole 10 minutes.

The pilot then made the announcement that I, Lili, won the game and the applause I received was overwhelming!

See Alec, you get more with honey than outdated can of D-O-G food!

So I encourage you all to try WWF! It keeps you sharp and on your paws! 
Alec ring me! I forgive you! We will eat some cheddar bacon bits together and play WWF all day!
Can you spell W-O-O-F?
I can. 
56 points!

Have a sparkling day.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Westhampton Beach's own Messina Jewelry!

What's That Calling In My Ear?

Westhampton Beach's Own Messina Jewelry!


Hello my wondrous friends!

I was strolling downtown Main Street in Westhampton Beach, that glorious little beach town and I stumbled upon a gorgeous store.I was gravitating towards the door questioning to myself, "What type of goodies are in here?" 

Being roughly 24 inches tall and about 28 inches in my luxurious heels, It is difficult for me to window shop. Let me set the scene.

As I approached this lovely shop, I felt the pull, almost a calling, "Come In Lili... Come in Lili!"



So I did! What I witnessed took my breath away. I felt a bit faint as I took in all the fabulous jewelry. I composed myself. Then it happened.

I hugged the counter of precious gemstones trying to soak in their brilliance. They shined, they sparkled, they dazzled... just as I do!

I thought to myself, this was meant to be.

I was lost in my own thoughts, fantasizing about all the delicious jewelry Derek could purchase for me. Suddenly, there was an echo from a distance. 
"Hello, may we help you with something?"

The two lovely women startled me. I was embarrassed. They said, "Please do not touch the glass." Paw prints really did a number on display cases they explained.



At first I growled a bit and showed my teeth, but then I apologized and asked about the store. I suppose they didn't realize I get a Paw-icure every week. So my growl turned into a smile as I listened intently about the jewelry I loved so much!

Diamonds are this gals best friend!

Thats what Miss Monroe, my great, great, great grandmothers best friend always sang and her words ring true!

Nicole and Lisanne gave me the whole history of the shop. To my surprise, I knew the owner, Nicole's husband, Lenny, who owns my favorite Ice Cream Store , Haagan Daz on Main Street (where I saw Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise on the Fourth of July) and also Sugar Daddy's Toy Store. The other owner, Susan, was not there that day so I excused her being absent. To think she missed my arrival in her store! She may be lucky enough to see me next time! 

The two women gave me their undivided attention showing all the up and coming designers pieces!
I gasped designer pieces?? Do they cost a small fortune I asked?

Then I looked at the prices, they were very reasonable! The necklaces were breathtaking as the diamonds intoxicated me. Just as a good biscuit does to me!
I loved the precious gemstones! Dazzling colors! Even pink stones! My favorite color!

They had gold rings which I absolutely adored! I know you are asking yourself, "How does Lili wear a ring?" Around my neck of course on one of their lovely gold chains!

I stopped short in my tracks as I came upon a pair of earrings I fell in love with. I stood on my tippy paws and tried to get a better look. What great attention I received, Nicole swept me up on the counter and said, " Get a better look Ms. Lili."



I turned to her and spoke slowly, "It is Lili, just Lili."
I was overwhelmed, I almost whimpered at her kindness. "But, but, my paws will spot your glass."

"No worries Lili. We are here to serve you," Nicole said smiling. I thought to myself, you are getting it Nicole! Lili loves and deserves special attention! I tried on the earrings! They were fantastic! Lisanne called Derek to get his credit card to purchase these wonderful trinkets for me!

They gift wrapped them in a beautiful box and said they would mail them out! Derek would give them to me personally.

I was so pleased! "What about for the man in your life," they asked me. "Would you like to get something for your BFF Derek?" they asked.

I was a bit confused. Me?, Lili, buy something for Derek? Do girls do that? I asked.

"Of course, yes, all the time," they said.

I was ashamed I didn't think of it. I asked them to show me some things for him.
They had beautiful Pens, Rings, and lovely sterling silver bracelets from Italy! 
I decided on a Pen! Derek can use it to write me love notes!
Perfect!

At that moment , I was feeling very Italian. 
Upon leaving, I said, "CIAO BELLA!"
They stopped me.They blocked the door.
Please Lili, wait, may we bother you for a moment.
Nicole and Lisanne requested a photo op with me. Of course, I was exhilarated from experiencing so much out of this world top notch jewelry, so I said YES! 
Snap, snap, a photo autographed by me!


This shop is truly a Bark above the rest!
I bought many lovely pieces from Messina Jewelry! 
Derek doesn't keep this gal on a short leash when it comes to jewelry!
Visit Messina Jewelry at 103 Main Street Westhampton Beach, NY. 

Call for store hours: 631-288-2967

I Did!

Have a Sparkling Day!








Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Bruce "Bruno" Willis and ME.... Lili Bruno! Red 2 Review.

In my dreams... in my dreams


Being a Bruce Willis fan, I decided to see Red 2. When I read some reviews they were very negative but me, being Lili, decided to see it anyway! 

You are welcomed Bruce!

I know you had a band and your alter ego was Bruno. Great name that we share.
I am off on a tangent. Focus Lili, focus!

I loved Red 2. It's about a ex CIA agent, Willis, who must save the world from a nuclear device. Frank Moses, (Willis) wants to live the quiet life... sort of like me.

He is retired, but the CIA pulls him back in! They want him squashed! Finished! Done!

There are great characters... John Malkovich (always excellent), Catherine Zeta Jones... what a bombshell! I really identified with her. Helen Mirren... a true gem... and Byung- Hun Lee, excellent with all his Kung-Fu karate chops!

Memo to self: Sign up for Kung-Fu class.

Cujos to Mary-Louise Parker. She made me laugh! Note to miss Parker: I wear Jimmy Choo shoes better than you! Just putting it out there!

All in all I loved this movie! There was romance, humor, and car chases that made the fur stand up on my neck! It was great! The audience loved it.

Bruce , I give you my paw and tip my tail.  Bravo to a great ensemble cast. If you watch closely, there is a cameo of me in the restaurant scene in Paris. At least Derek said he is positive he saw me! Good old Derek.
 
I prefer the color PINK but Red 2 was glorious! 

Bruce as you said in another one of my fav movies
Yippie Kai Yay.... I Lili have nothing else to say!!!! ( I would link to the sound file but it's got a curse word in it... and I'm a princess who doesn't curse...just saying.)

Like me Bruce, you don't get older, you get better! Like a fine grape juice, we get better with age!

See you at the movies!


I think I was cut out of the poster for this one.

This scene must have ended up on the cutting room floor.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Flying Meatballs! A La Parmigiana Italian style! Emergency Southampton Update!


It's me! Lili!
I had a yen for A Large Sausage Pizza from La Parmigiana to celebrate the new arrival of my royal cousin from the House of Windsor.

I walked into the pizza parlor and ordered my favorite large sausage pizza. 

I usually get extra cheese but my waistline is expanding! The lovely woman said 20 minutes. I said I will be back and walked outside to wait. I was going to sit on a little table in front of the restaurant, but I decided to sit on a bench instead.

I sat looking out when I heard commotion!

I smelled the pungent aroma of garlic! I heard a lovers quarrel as meatballs and sauce came flying past me inches away from hitting my pristine fur coat! I was flabbergasted! My fur is white, white, white. I could never get that stain out! I am a natural blonde! I don't get a dye job! 


Eeeeeeek!

Apparently there was a spat. The woman walked away in a huff. The man apologized to the onlooking summer tourists and walked across the street and sat in his car.

A thought popped into my head. What was that rule? Was it The Five Second Rule or The Five Minute Rule? If no one comes back to retrieve the two meatballs lying on the street, I could grab them. 

I was thinking, oh pull away mister! But he didn't! I eyed the meatballs. Was he watching me from across the street?

My mind was whirling. The aroma of meatballs and sauce intoxicating. It was driving me into a meatballs frenzy!



Five Minute or Five Second?


Then it happened.

I came to my senses as the the woman came out with my pizza. I could not grab the meatball in public. I would be behaving like a D-O-G! I am an up and coming socialite. I am Lili. My reputation would be ruined.

When I arrived at Derek's house, I told him about the lover's spat, but I downplayed The Five Minute Scoop Up Rule! We both wondered what the quarrel was about. Being of the canine species, we can be pretty nosy. We made up all different scenarios over pizza!

We hoped they worked it out, but in the end we both decided what a waste of two good meatballs!

Love Italian Style.
The love, passion, spats and flying meatballs!
What a shame! Note to all the lovers out there: When you fight, throw the plates... not the food!!!
Mangiare Bene!
Eat Well.




Monday, July 22, 2013

Baby Watch Update...

It's a boy. Now that the world knows it's time to get back to discussing ME.




Royal Baby Watch


Will the new arrival be a Prince or Princess? Will the Royals name the bundle of joy Lili after me?
I think not!
I am sure I am related to the Windsors... some how, way, way back.
I am blue blood!
I am a Pedigree!
I wish them much luck with their royal arrival.
Move over William ...we both know I am the Queen!
Queen Lili of the Hamptons!


SOOOOOOOO... Here I sit... (BIG YAWN) awaiting the arrival of you know who. It's understood, around here, that I am the only one that matters anyway.... So you need not be bothered with watching any news updates about ... you know whose birth.


"Pierre, bring me something to eat. Your Queen has spoken," I shout to my footman. It's so hard to get good help these days.


Today's Green Monkey Episode featuring ME, Lili.

Have a look at my favorite comic strip... which of course is all about ME... and some Green Monkeys that think they are in charge.



Sunday, July 21, 2013

A Hot Day at the East Hampton Antique Show

I had my driver, Al, whisk me out to the  East Hampton Antique Show before the heat of the day set in so that I could find some little trinkets or what-nots for Derek to buy me. He loves me.

Al had to stop and buy some donuts. He got himself a bag of them and tossed one back for me and my BFF, Derek. Al stuffed an extra one in his pocket for himself later in the day. I didn't say a word, but gave him one of those looks.

Here are some photos that my personal assistant, Cookie Wafer, took of my adventures today.


Is this for sale? IT's just the right color.

Is that a tick? I don't like ticks.


What is this? Did someone make a statue of ME?

Derek, the love that he is, bought me these two crazy Black and White dogs... What was he thinking. I'm the only... the one and ONLY ... LILI. He's a nut.

He got them from a store called Maniques Mondern.

Be well and have a wonderful day. Summer is humming.

I am off for an evening swim in the pool.



Pawn Stars "PAW STARS"

First of all... Don't forget to read Lili and Derek at www.gocomics.com.



Hello All ! It is me, Lili!

I recently was in Las Vegas and stumbled upon this great shop! I was so delighted when I read the sign outside, that I thought, this is wonderful, a whole store for my paws. I can get a mani and a pedi. I walked in, and to my surprise there were all these cool items in glass cases. 

What a salon. It is great and opened 24 hours! Las Vegas is fabulous! It never sleeps!

A man approached me. He looked at me from head to toe. I became alarmed. My ears perked up. I was embarrassed. I realized my paws have not been soaked for a week, but I never had been greeted this way at a salon back in New York. Why was he staring? Was it my beauty?

I was wearing my jumbo 10 carat diamond studded collar. Was he going to grab it and run? I said in my most stern voice, "May I be of service to you, sir?"

He pointed to my collar, as I clutched it. He said to me gruffly, "What's the story behind that? What's it worth?Are those diamonds real?"

I was confused. I said more sternly, "I beg your pardon sir?"
He said, "Sir? They call me The Old Man. I own this place with my son Rick and my grandson Corey. WE throw in Chumlee for good measure."
I was speechless! I cleared my throat, it was dry from stress, like the time i swallowed the stuffing in my stuffed squirrel.

"Sir," I proceeded to speak and bark at the same time, all from nerves. I continued slowly, speaking and stressing each word. "This collar was from a Liberace auction. It was owned by Liberace's West highland terrier, West, a distant cousin of mine. I would never sell it. Besides, your sign outside says PAW SHOP! I need my pads done!"

"Your pads done?" He laughed so loud, the high pitch of his roar hurt my sensitive ears.

Then it happened, it was like I was on that John Quinones show, What Would You DO? The Old Man called his son Rick, his grandson Corey and some odd bird, Chumlee. They all stared at my collar, again inquiring about the purchase. A million bucks for that collar? I shook my head, Please stop this insanity and just give me a paw wrap!

Rick , the only sane one in the bunch, took my paw gently in his hand and informed me that this was a Pawn Shop not a Paw Shop. But the sign, the sign outside, I turned and pointed towards it. They apologized and said they were meaning to get the sign fixed. The "N" in the sign needs a new bulb and Chumlee did not fix it yet. 

"So this isn't that Quinones series? I am not on television?"

"No! But watch our show on The History Channel on Thursdays at 9 PM," they said in unison.


Embarrassed, I apologized and hurried towards the door, disappointed that this huge store was not a Paw Store but a Pawn Shop!

Me, Lili ,in a pawn shop! ugh! the horror!

"Hey, What is your name?" they shouted to me. 
I turned and said, "Lili, just Lili."
"If you ever want to sell that collar, come and see us! That a great story behind that collar. We could get a load of loot for that one!"

For a moment, the dollar signs were going off in my brain like hitting the jackpot in a slot machine. I was tempted. I heard the voice... no not West's voice... but Mr. Showman himself. I could hear the words from the Heavens call out to me...

I wish West's cousin Lili twice removed doesn't pawn that diamond collar!

I think the gentleman heard it too…I looked at them…they looked at me…we both knew I could not sell it! I touched my collar and never looked back! 
I arrived at home the next day, sat at my grand piano wearing my collar and polished my candelabras! 
I will never be a pawn star, but always a star with beautiful paws!

Be well and stay cool during this hot summer.


Saturday, July 20, 2013

Dog Days of July.

It's hot. 

I mean HOT. Not "I'm a STAR," hot.... just HOT. 

I didn't do much yesterday. I sat here and let my footman bring me cool drink after cool drink. I did not have the energy to bark at the neighbor's dogs and I don't like pomeranians. 

I could not lift a paw to wave at the horses as my driver wisked me around the block in the limo (with AC) to see the stables down the block.

"Pierre? Bring me a cold rag and soak my paws in water. And while your at it will you please turn up the AC in the house. Set it at FREEEEEEZING."

More later...





Friday, July 19, 2013

The Worlds Largest Circus Under the Big Top: Cole Brothers!

The Worlds Largest Circus Under the Big Top
                           COLE BROS.
               CIRCUS OF THE STARS and of course, me, LILI!!!!!



And away we gooooooo!

Welcome, welcome one and all! 

At first I was being a snob and did not want to attend the Circus. I was dragged there by some friends. After I made my way through the animal activists who were picketing armed with signs, it was a jolly, paw clapping extravaganza!

They had real tigers and ponies and elephants and even a few dogs who did tricks. I was thinking ... what silly dogs, jumping through hoops...You won't catch this gal jumping through hoops for anyone. 

I like to give the commands!

They had tight rope walking, a human cannon, and an illusionist!
It was really entertaining! I clapped, I barked, and I even growled when the man next to me stepped on my tail.

Then it happened. I almost coughed up a fur ball.... A very glitzy show off type. Unlike myself, she was not humble, prancing around the big top.

There was Lana, she was a beautiful woman with a long, luxurious, blonde pony tail. All I could think of through her stunning performance was...that must be a wig! 

I have to admit...I was a bit jealous of her. I had the same feeling when my BFF Derek has a better squeaky toy than me. So, I have to admit, I did not applaud when she did her act. Anyway, I think I have less wrinkles than her and my hair is just as nice! I am thinner and prettier. I am sure of that! Meow! Forgive me. I am behaving like a cat!  Maybe I can get a pony tail.

The tigers and the elephants all did tricks  ... Everyone gasped with oohs and aahs...I shouted out, "Showoffs!"  

I can stand on my legs too and no one applauds.





Eek...the CLOWNS were scary!!!!  They are still creeping in my dreams at night!

Go see the circus in Southampton or elsewhere. Here is their schedule: Cole Brothers' Schedule

You will Love it!

I ate ice cones, cotton candy, bought a balloon and had a pony ride!

Just a warning...take a bubble bath when you get home to wash the circus away! You don't want to get Fleas!

All and all, I had a good time. When I attend an event, I really get into it and get involved. Here are some snapshots of me!

Remember..at times the world is a circus, so you will feel right at home. I Did!


I hate balloon animals.


Boom goes the cannon.

What's that smell? It's not me.

OUT OF MY WAY.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I think this is Martin Short... sure looks like him.

My new friends, Maria, Christina and George owners of the Moriches Bay Diner!

Rope Burn.


I love the horses!