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Friday, August 30, 2013

George Clooney in HOT water again at the Venice Film Festival.

Boungiorno! IT's time to add some Gravity to the day.

It is me ,the lovely Lili, divine Lili, all the way from the Venice Film Festival

Pardon me that I took a day off, but I was motoring my way down the canal with none other than, George Clooney (or as I always call him, Georgie) and Rande Gerber promoting their new tequila. 


Turn left, turn left...you're going to hit something.
Georgie assured me it is just like a Shirley Temple, but he told me it is best not to try it! I inquired why, but they were firm that I forgo drinking it. They each took an extra sample on my behalf.

By the way...here's how you make a good Shirley Temple: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/shirley-temple-i/

Anyway, there was much pawpoola about Georgie driving the motor boat. It appears he doesn't have a license. I felt terrible because Georgie wanted to impress me. He said the Italian citizens love me, Lili, as much as the rest of the world and he really wanted to show me off, not the tequila!

Georgie is always trying to impress me. He realizes Derek is my BFF and at times Georgie is a bit jealousies!

The poop-arazzi always are spreading tails about me and Georgie, but we are just friends. He is oh so much too old for me!

So we motored our way around Venice and someone complained. I bet it was Peeples, that poodle! She always is a trouble maker. George was rattled by the complaint but I, Lili, stood cool, calm and collected as we were off to attend the Venice Film Festival. 

George said he was lost in space, because he was blinded by my beauty and presence. That's why he made the faux paw of driving without a boating license.

When we arrived at the premiere of Gravity, George's new film, the audience cheered... not the movie but me! George said the crowd was over the moon from the presence of, me, Lili! I smiled and blew kisses. They were truly lost in space over me!


I was getting a bit wooozy hanging in space... I think I might have had too many Shirley Temples.

George didnt get in trouble since the Italian police are huge fans of mine! He did get a warning.

Go see Gravity! I am in some small parts. I could have had Sandra Bullocks roll but the space part made me woozy. Sort of how George behaves when he samples his new beverage!

Ciao! 
Ti Amo!
I love you all!


Ahhhh... this Shirley Temple hits the spot.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys at www.gocomic.com every day.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

It's ME... LILI in another episode of The Green Monkeys.

Here I am, Lili of Lili-Land, wishing you all a wonderful day... tomorrow I'll be back to my usual updates about gossip and ME.





Read The Green Monkeys every day at www.gocomics.com/thegreenmonkeys.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Blue Jasmin


Blue Jasmin

Hi everyone! It's me, the Lili... Divine Lili! 

Well, Derek and I went to see Blue Jasmin tonight, but it could have been Blue Janette because that's what the main character, Cate Blanchette's real name was in the movie before she changed it to Jasmine!

So from now on you can call me Pink Lilac or Lilliette.

We watched the movie and thought it a fine film even if Woody is a bit of a nut.

Woody Allen called me to play Jasmin, but my schedule was full. I did humor him because he constantly begged me to be in it, so I was in some scenes as a character actor. There are no small parts.


Did you spot me in the crowd?
The movie was about a woman who marries a crooked man, ala Alec Baldwin. 

My friend Alec Baldwin was quite good. He did not have a yelling scene. He plays that part out on the sidewalks of NYC with the poop-arazzi ! You go Alec! Never a dull moment.


This scene was cut. My line was, "Talk the the hand."
Anyway... Jasmine loses her money and lives with her sister, who she feels is never quite the diva she could be. The movie portrays Jasmin's struggles to get a new life. 

It also shows the distinction of the different classes. The socialites, like Me! And the working class, sort of like my BFF, Derek.


"Snap out of it," I shouted.


The movie is funny and sad. I wasn't thrilled about the ending. I put a call into Woody and scolded him. He should have asked my advice how to end it!

Derek disagreed and explained it to me, how in the end it was the Diceman's speech to Jasmine that was so brilliant. As much as she tried to reinvent herself and lie about her past, she never let go of all her guilt and certainly never let go of her past. The Diceman's character, in his own humble way, comes to terms with what happened to him. He's not happy but at least he's not mumbling to himself on a park bench at the end of the movie.

Sometimes I think Derek is very smart.

Andrew Dice Clay was excellent. Where did they dig him up? Last time I saw his name anywhere was a nightclub in Los Angeles. I've never seen his act. I'm sure it would burn my sensitive hears.



Who smokes anymore. It's the Diceman.
Was the trainer Ali from a previous Bachelor show? The horror! 


All in all, not the best Woody movie. Midnight in Paris was far better as was Match Point. For Derek and I the best Woody movie is still Take the Money and Run.

Have a Lili-icious Day.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day at www.gocomics.com

New Day on CNN with Chris Cuomo


New Day!

Hi, it's me Lili!

I love the new morning show with Chris Cuomo! He was always my grandfather's favorite anchor on GMA and mine too!

The show is on everyday starting at 7am -9am on CNN.


Derek and I love to watch it. The summer before last, I, Lili, went to an art exhibit in Southampton. As I was strolling through making my grand entrance, there he was... Chris Cuomo. He gasped at the sight of me.


He told me he was a big fan and if I could kindly sign an autograph for him. So I did! I happened to have a headshot of me in my Louis Vuitton satchel. 

I wrote... To Chris Cuomo, a paw above the rest! Love, Lili.

He was overwhelmed. He was so excited he could not get the words out fast enough. He told me about New Day that was in the works. He begged me to speak to CNN executives so that I could co-anchor with him. 


The test shot
To make a long story Lili-short, I went to the studio and took some snapshots with Chris for the co-anchor position. The top dogs loved them. They begged me to be on the show. 

But frankly, I turned them down, because I truly outshine Chris in the photos. I love Chris and want him to shine as he does each day. So I stepped down. 

Besides, I am too much of a Lili-diva to get up at 3 am for makeup! 

Here I am at my audition.
So Chris's is content with me watching at home. Watch closely, he winks each morning at the camera. He called and told me, that wink is for you, miss Lili. Chris invites me some weekends to go fishing with his family. Of course, I stand clear of the fish, but I lounge in the sun in true Lili fashion!

Bravo New Day! Tune in every morning on CNN.


And don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day at www.gocomics.com.

Have a Lili-icious Day.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Shame on you Miley Cyrus! MTV Video Awards!


Shame on you Miley Cyrus!

Desperado for attention! MTV Video Awards

Hello! It's me Lili, recovering from my Car-Paw Tunnel Syndrome flare up. I am back in the saddle as they say, blogging away!


I thought I looked pretty good.


I settled in last night at the MTV Video Awards at the Barclay Center. After walking the red carpet, I was horrified to see little Hannah Montana on stage.


I am speechless.
Miley Cyrus was acting like a kitten on cat nip! Note to Miley: Young lady, conduct yourself like a lady. as I do each day. There is no reason to bring attention to yourself I such a vile way. If you want to break away from Disney please do it using your talent. Be a role model for the young girls that look up to you!

I sympathize with those poor teddy bears with you on stage, you give me nightmares! Think how they will fare!

You even shocked Will Smith! His mouth hung open in horror! He told me later on he swallowed a fly!

Taylor Swift please stop writing songs about your string of boy toys!

You really got  my fur in a knot when you were gossiping with Selena Gomez about your ex Harry Stiles. He is in the band One Direction, but he went in the opposite direction from YOU.

As I, Lili, always do, take the high road Taylor, because one day you will sink instead of swim.

Standing ovation to you Harry! Taylor's a mean girl!

Cujos to Justin Timberlake! You were Lili divine. I know, you keep calling me to be in one of your videos. Yes Justin! I promise I will get back to you.

Loved you NSYNC reunion! You are almost as cool as me, Lili.



On the Red Carpet right before the awards.

Katy Perry in the boxing ring? Hmmmm... let me mull that over.

Well, she thinks she was a starlet in her leopard dress? I was a total knockout in mine! I wore punk leopard! A fan favorite always. Oh no, not Katy, Me!

I can't mention everyone, but I just wanted to tell you about a few!
Shout out to Kanye West, yes, you Kanye. Do your songs lyrics come with English sub titles?
All in all I had a great evening. The pawparrazzi was hounding me! I really do shine! 
I am in the works to make a music video. I am sure I will win next year!
Once again! Grow up Miley ! You are trying too hard to break out to be a grown up, act like a descent one!

Have a Lili-icious Day! And don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday over here at GoComics.com.

Down and Out in Lili-Land

Hello, all my adoring fans. It is ME, Lili of Lili-Land... Well, let me tell you... All this typing on my blog has given me a headache and now I have Car-paw Tunnel Syndrome.

So, please stay tuned...  fresh blogging will commence this week. Derek, my BFF, has been waiting on me pads and paws. As Arnold said, "I'll be back."


My paw is killing me. Derek, is actually typing as I speak. He's such a love.

Have a Lili-icious Day!

And don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday over here at GoComics.com.



Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Boungiorno, George Clooney!

Boungiorno, George Clooney!

Boungiorno, All. It's me, Lili, in Lake Como, Italy! Derek and I were invited by the one and only Georgie. George Clooney! He invited us for a week at his beautiful home there.

See me standing by the bridge... that's me! Derek floated out on George's boat to snap this.

Derek, George and I go way back. Somewhere, way, way, back, we are cousins.

When we arrived in beautiful lake Como, George was at the airport waiting there with a big smile and open arms. Derek snapped some fabulous photos of me and George.

George took me around Italy on his motorcycle to see the sights. He said Italy pales in beauty compared to me! Derek agreed, and I must say, the two of them are correct. I am pretty gorgeous.

Hold tight.

When I was there, I was on vacation but Georgie (Derek and I call him that) insisted I do some photo shoots with him. He pleaded. What was this gal to do? I said Yes! 

So we took a few snapshots for Vanity Fair Magazine, and hopefully, they will use them! We even took a snap shot with Randy Gerber, Cindy Crawford's hubby, to promote some  crazy drink. George assured me it was a Shirley Temple. Hmmm, I wonder.

I hope this is a Shirley Temple.
We were in talks about doing a movie together, Lili, in Lili Land. We even took a photo proof for the movie poster!

No script, yet... but I'm sure George is working on it.

The week went too fast. The last night, Georgie and I sat on the sofa engrossed in deep conversation... mostly about me! He said I am the only starlet that makes him star struck. He reminded me how poised and pretty and talented I am. He made my tail thump out of control! He was full of compliments, as he should be. I was in total agreement... so was Derek.

A relaxing day with Georgie.

We had a great time Georgie! We may purchase a home across the lake!

Arriverderci!

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day at www.thegreenmonkeys.com.











Monday, August 19, 2013

In the Land of Late Night Pizza Nightmares and Turner Classic Movies

Hello, all! It's me, Lili from Lili-Land.

Derek, my BFF, and I love to watch old movies on Turner Classic Movies. But I don't think I should have had that last slice of cold pizza after midnight. Snacking is a no-no. I have to watch my figure.

Here are a few of the dreams I had as I tossed and turned all night long with an upset tummy.


It's mutiny. I tell you it's MUTINY.

George Clooney should do a remake of this Hitchcock classic.

Go, on... kiss the girl. You know you want to.

Dana Andrews loves me...he really, really loves ME. And why not?

I hate birds. For that matter I hate screaming kids too.... ahhhh the nightmare.

What the...???? OH, my. This place needs a Lili-Like makeover.... more pink.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday at www.thegreenmonkeys.com.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

The Artists Writers Softball Game in Easthampton


The Artists Writers Softball Game in Easthampton


Hello, all! It was another Lili-Like day in Easthampton at the Artist Writers Softball Game to benefit local charities. All for a good cause. I Lili was so conflicted. I am a writer but my whole life is art, Sooooo... I played on both sides. No one seemed to mind, except  Mike Lupica. He's a bit of stickler for rules. I gave him a wave of my paw and went shopping in town. 

But before all the Lili drama with Sour-Puus Mike, I hung out with Jimmy Lipton for a spell.  He begged me to be a guest on his show The Actors Studio. He thinks I am fabulous, and I have to agree. I am Super-Lili-fabulous. I told him to let me check my schedule. he was relentless. So, I agreed to do his show in the future. He smiled so brightly, I need to put on my Chanel sunglasses.


Hanging out with Jimmy and talking on the radio.
Jimmy then pleaded with me to be on his team, so I said yes and I gave him a high paw five.

I was waiting for the game to begin when Matt Lauer asked me for my picture. Of course I posed for a few snapshots, but I felt very put upon when he asked me to autograph them all...To Him!


Matt wanted my picture. Who am I to deny my fans.

Ugh... Fame is difficult at times, but I never let down my fans because they love me and I love Me!

Matt asked me to walk with him because he was so star struck! So we strolled the grounds and we bumped into the one and only Dan Rattiner, who is equally as popular as me. Well, of course, I might be a percent more, I am Lili!

The poop-arazzi crowded us and took more photos. Matt and Dan thanked me for the opportunity. We air kissed as most celebrities do and parted ways. I didn't have the heart to tell Matt... I was a Good Morning, America fan. 

When the game started, the two teams were fighting who would get me, Lili on their teams. I could not decide so I played on both sides. I played short stop, like Derek's favorite Yankee player, Derek Jeter. Mike Lupica being the oh, so, serious player, insisted I take off my signature pink heels. I growled, you will never catch this gal in sneakers! He was ripping mad.
This was taken by Lisa Tamburini right before I dropped the ball.


Then it happened, I was playing short stop on his team and dropped the ball! I could not run in my heels. So Mike, being Mike, tossed me out of the game. So that's when it happened, I gave him an angry tail thump and a paw toss combined and left to go shopping.


The moment Mike Lupica had me thrown out of the game.
Meeko and Derek were booing him and the whole crowd of spectators and the other players gave me a standing ovation. I threw them kisses and Mike sulked on the bench.

President Clinton was disappointed because he missed an opportunity to have a photo with me, I was shopping! 

See you on Main Street  Mr. President!

Even though I Lili was tossed out of the game, it was for Charity.

No harm ! No Growl!





Who is that strange man in that HAT? OH...it's Dan of course. I didn't have the heart to tell Matt I watch Good Morning, America.
 Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys today and everyday at www.thegreenmonkeys.com.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

The Butler Did It!

The Butler!
Hello all, it's me, Lili.
 
The Butler! Derek and Meeko thought  this was the American version of Downton Abbey, but once again, they were wrong!

One of the many scenes that was cut from the final edit.

Needless to say, this was a fine movie.

The movie spans 30 years of service of a gentleman who was a Butler to eight American presidents.
Oprah makes her acting comeback. I am not sure why they didn't call me back. I auditioned for a part and even filmed a few scenes. I was in one scene with Oprah when she was dancing on screen to Soul Train. We had a blast, but for some reasons the producers thought I stole the show... so they asked me... very nicely, if I didn't mind if they cut me out of the movie. 

I got my goove on... woo woo.

Oprah was crying because I simply looked too fabulous. So I, being Lili, gave my approval to have the scene cut.

I loved Forest Whitaker. That man can almost act as well as me! 

The movie touched on numerous subjects including slavery, civil rights, the black panthers and equality.

It was sad in some part, so Meeko cried most of the time. I teared up, but I, being Lili, love to look my best at all times, so I composed myself. Derek took my paw in his and held it tightly.

We were glued to the screen. Oprah was goterrificd, but I think she didn't have to be so jelosy of my acting ability. This might have been my time to shine! Well, I am younger, so I have time. I do love Oprah and so does Derek. 

We had a good snicker, because I said, "I am low maintenance compared to Oprah because I don't buy $38,000 handbags!"

Meeko chimed in, "Not yet!" I snarled at him. He apologized for his faux paw. All was well in Lili-land.

I mentioned to Derek, a $5000 bag would be enough for me. Derek smiled and said I am worth every penny and more! Of course Derek is correct.

The movie had wonderful food in it. I loved the fried chicken, the cakes and cookies and potato salad! Yum! Look for me at the State dinner in the film. 
I look smashing!

I did think John Cusack looked a little too young to play Nixon.


All in all it was a great movie. We enjoyed it! 
A big bark out to Oprah! You did well girl! Of course I forgive you for pushing me out of the movie. I know I would have been nominated for the Oscar.

No harm, no growl! 



Go out and see The Butler! We did! You'll thank us.

Have a Lili-Like Day and don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday.



I make another appearance in My Favorite Comic Strip: The Green Monkeys

Hello all... It's me Lili. From time to time, I, Lili, appear in a wonderful comic strip called The Green Monkeys. You can read it everyday at their website and if you sign up at www.gocomics.com you can get Monkeys and all sorts of other nifty comics.

But the only one you really need to read is the one with ME in it.

More later from a glorious weekend here in the Hamptons.


Friday, August 16, 2013

Smelling the Flowers in the Hamptons

Hello, all! IT's me, your favorite Hamptonite Blogger. Is that what I am? I thought I was a Princess... I am, I am. I am a Princess with a capital P.

I got out the door yesterday while Derek, my BFF, was visiting. He was napping in front of the television catching up on all the dreadful world news.

I came upon a flower I did not plant. Simply growing there with no help from me. A lone flower on the lawn. And it reminded me... about the little things we should be thankful for. All the fuss and the bother of everyday life... the hunt for a treat... worrying about  fleas... those nasty, little, yappy D-O-Gs living across the street.... it all washed away as I looked at that beautiful flower basking in the glorious summer sun.



It's leaves turned upward... it's color as bright as the morning sun. As bright as a pat of the most delicious butter. Hmmmm... I'm hungry. I think I could use a nice scone served with a hot cup of the Queen's Tea.

So, there I was contemplating life and all it's wonder. It's the simple things in life that matter.

Then... a bee stung me.

Nasty bee.

Have a sparkling day.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

RHONJ Mendin' fences with Joisey Royalty

RHONJ

Hi fellow NJ Houzewives followerz! It is me, Lili





Yes, it is truly me. I was using my Joisey accent. Wow, what a difference a show makes. Let's toss a bone around and discuss the happenings last Sunday. Oh, I realize I am late with this particular blog, but I was rubbing paws with Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin in Easthampton over the weekend. I have been busier than a bee in a Winnie-the-Pooh story book. Let me tell you, Gwyneth got stung! (See my blog about Authors Night)


Authors Night in Easthampton. Eat your heart out Teresa.
Where do I begin to tell this story of the greatest makeup in TV Land? Well, to start with, the show opens with the dramatic highlights of the previous episode.

Derek and I shouted at the screen, "Ugh! Move along, nothing to see here. Boring! We snickered. Meeko shushed us. Being a cat, he is very uptight at times. We settled in our recliners and snacked on treats imported from Italy to create the mood of an Italian household.

To get to the jist of it... Teresa and Jacqueline made peace at the restaurant pow-wow, but I am sure in the future their husbands will have to pry the knives out of their backs. 


WAAAAAA, WAAAAAAAAA!


I turned to Derek and Meeko and whispered, "Phony, phony, phony." I gave the old Lili paw toss. I give it three episodes and they will be barking at each other. They agreed of course, because I, being Lili, am always right.

They skip to Jacqueline and Kathy Wakile shopping together. Every time I hear the name Wakile, I want to wear a Lei and Hula Dance with my grass skirt on! It is so Hawaiian sounding... Wakile, Wakile! Derek and Meeko LOL.

We were entertaining ourselves watching this show!

Jacqueline being Jacqueline reveals she wants to have a tummy tuck and her neck tightened. Ouch! TMI. Do we have to know this? Derek and Meeko assured me that I, Lili am perfect! I have a great figure and this Gals neck doesn't have any chickens hanging from it!

Note to Jacqueline: What are you thinking? Love yourself for you! I, Lili, love myself, and so does everyone else! 

I almost tossed my treats when they showed Jacqueline's stomach skin sitting on the table. Ugh, was that necessary Bravo? Bad enough we had to witness it on her! Meeko was eyeballing it like all cats would but I quickly growled at him and he composed himself.


Tooooooo Much INFORMATION.
Jacqueline also had on makeup during the procedure. This is not reality! I was barking annoyed and I drafted a letter to Bravo. You don't wear makeup in the operating room. I go au natural all the time and I am smashingly Lili-gorgeous!

Honestly, Jacqueline's behavior, even the night before surgery, was ridiculous. The drinking and acting out really made her parents uncomfortable. Even her daughter Ashley seemed mortified. Wake up Jacqueline. It's not all about you, it's about me, Lili. And just me, I mean really!

Moving along, lets not give Jacqueline anymore attention.

Uncle Joe took Gia, his niece and goddaughter on a go-karting date. Gia, along with her friends, who are barely 13 years old were primping in the mirror, globbing on tons of makeup. It looked as if they needed a tractor trailer to truck it all into New Jersey! What child at that age wears all that make up? Those girls had so much goop on, if they smiled their faces will crack.

When Meeko heard me go on about this, he gave me a loud MEOW!

How dare he! 

I growled and Derek backed me up. I, Lili just feel kids should be kids! Meeko hissed and I gave him a nasty thump of my tail and he hid under the sofa for the part of the show.

Well, we coaxed Meeko out with a dish of Fancy Feast. He was purring in no time.

We all made nice and stood glued to the set. Gia and Uncle Joe went go-karting and little Joe being the juvenile just had to win. He really has issues. They hashed out the family drama and Gia gave it to him straight on a platter holding lasagna. 


A big old heaping portion of reality check.

She cut through the layers of all the drama-loo of this family feud. The kid can see the writing on the wall, even through the heavy eye makeup. Gia, bravo to you (no pun intended), you have more sense than your Uncle Joe!

I could have done without the flashbacks. Gia singing? That poor girl is going to get taunted at school! Bad enough we had to endure Melissa's On Display song!

Of course, I, Lili, have a Lili-fabulous voice, but you don't see me belting out my songs. Well, not yet!

They show Joe Gorga in an outtake revealing he is embarrassed of himself. I had thoughts of my friend, Peeples, the poodle's expression, when she had an accident on my oriental rug. Not pretty! Nor are you Joe Gorga! You should be embarrassed. Not only of your behavior but of your sizzle tan billboard. Eek!

Then we are back to the boring Manzo's. They discuss their BLK Water. Yuck! Did you hear... people prefer sparkling and clear? I guess not! Their Uncle Chris expresses his concerns that Chris and Albie are not invested enough in the product. He wants them to marry it! Umm .. Okay.

They go on and on about it. Frankly the three of us dozed off. I have to admit, they are a tad boring.

We woke up with Chris telling his Uncle that BLK is their main B word?
I turned to Derek and gasped, "Do they have a female D-O-G?" We were lost as was Meeko.

The group goes to a Zumba fund raiser and make nice. Jacqueline and Teresa share a hug. All very phony!


And a one, two... cha-cha-cha.
The Manzo's throw a going away party for Greg Bennett. He is leaving to go live in San Francisco, where he and Tony Bennett apparently left their hearts.


Bye-bye and good riddance. Give me a high Paw-Five. Cry baby.

Caroline was crying. We couldn't figure that out. Albie looked like he was down and out. I thought he was going to burst into tears. Derek turned to me and said, "Go figure."

The whole scene confused me. Who cares if he leaves. He didnt even have a storyline. He was a Manzo groupie.

All in all, I must say, let the feud rise from the ashes because this is getting old folks!

Maybe bravo should have a new show: The Lovely Lili-icious Life of Lili of Lililand!

Derek and I snickered and so did Meeko. We gave each other a High Paw-Five at my suggestion.

Just putting it out there!

Stay tuned for next week's update on RHONJ!!!

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday.





Sent from my iPad

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Green with envy over Gwyneth Paltrow? Authors Night Update!

Emergency update

EastHampton's Authors Night

Green with envy over Gwyneth Paltrow?

Hi, it's me once again Lili! I felt compelled to chime in on all the gossip. Authors Night is getting lots of press! When Derek read it to me, my fur was in a knot!

Wasn't this night about me?

What is all this hullabaloo about Gwyneth PaltrowEveryone is picking on my friend.

First of all, why are two of the authors complaining that Gwyneth stole their thunder that night? News flash! I was at the center of the storm!


Many fans came to see me... I'm sure of it.

It was my understanding that the poop-arazzi was there for me, Lili. Gwyneth and I discussed this and she agreed they were really dogging ME. I even turned down Alec Baldwin for a photo-op. 

Yes, I was sitting with Gwyneth and the fans were crowding the table blocking the other authors at a point, but it was for me, the fabulous Lili!

Yes, it is true there were body guards. Two for Gwyneth and THREE for me!
It is always about me, me, me. And now, poor Gwyneth is taking the heat for my popularity!

At one point the author Christina Oxenberg said she had to crawl under the table to get to her seat because of US. Yes, cats do crawl on all fours! Meow! I think she even has green eyes!

Note to miss Oxenberg: Yes, I had a whiff of your plate of protein. Gwyneth doesn't eat steak, but I have to admit, when you were not looking, I grabbed a piece of steak! Yum! Thank you Christina!

Please everyone, I really think all the press was there for me! Right? 
So give Gwyneth a break.

She was nothing but gracious and engaging during Authors Night as was I, Lili.
Don't hate us because we are popular and beautiful!

Any press is good press! Just spell my name correctly.

L-I-L-I


Have a sparkling day!

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day.

Elysium! Oh, Matt Damon, what are you thinking??!??


Elysium! Oh, Matt Damon, what are you thinking??!??



I don't think Matt used any deodorant today.

Hi, it's the Lili-icious Lili! Last night Derek and I went to see the new Matt Damon movie, Elysium.

Ugggghhhh... Matt, Matt, Matt. Where do I start? This movie was set in 2154.
There are two classes of people. The pristine, like me, Lili, of course, who live on a man-made space station. The other half, the have-nots, live on the ruined, dirty, disgusting, neglected, Earth. I guess they didn't have vacuum cleaners in 2154... at least in Los Angeles.

The Earth-bound wanted equality and Matt Damon was out to get it.

Frankly, I was lost. It was a silly movie and I, Lili, was bored, despite the action scenes. Jodie Foster was a real D-O-G! She was nasty in this film, barking out her lines like a snarling Doberman. Where did they did they dig her up? Someone threw her a bone. I have not seen her in a movie in ages... but I digress.




Derek and I were chatting as the film droned on. We do that during bad movies and this grizzly man who was sitting to the right got up, stood in front of us and SSSSSH'd us!

The audacity! Did he know who I was? I am Lili! I do NOT get shhhh"d.

Well, the audience was livid. They witnessed his faux paw. In the middle of the movie, in unison, they shouted out, you don't Shh Lili!

I gave them a wave of my paw and the man apologized. We continued to watch this so called movie.

All in all, the only thing I can say about this movie is skip it! If Matt keeps making these clinkers, his next gig will be on Dancing With The Stars. Enough said!
Trust me, I did film a few action scenes with Matt for this movie because they begged me, but when I saw the final cut, I kindly asked them to remove my scenes. I cannot tarnish my image with this clunker!


I did not approve of this scene... and so had it cut.

Matt, darling, I love you and your movies. I am sure you will redeem yourself in your next film but this one needs to be Lost In Space!


I did love my outfit for this cut scene. Maybe it will make it onto the Blu-Ray edition later this year. Catch it at Walmart in the discount bin.

Trust me folks, I have more faith in mankind than this!

Skip it!
Note to Matt Damon: take a bubble bath. Soap doesn't cost that much, even in the future.

Reporting from Lili-Land.
Have a Lili pristine day!