RHONJ Preview

RHONJ preview

Hello from Lili-Land! 

Derek, Meeko and I are making some fresh pasta and tomato sauce or gravy, as they say in New Jersey, preparing to watch tonight's all new episode of those not as famous as me, Lili, housewives.

I am sitting on my chaise reflecting on last weeks episode as Meeko and Derek are preparing our Lili Italiano Feast! Manga Bene! Eat well!

I believe they are still at the spa and I read spoilers that Manipulative Melissa disses jail bound Teresa at her birthday party during the toast. 

I'm disgusted yet I can't look away.

Little Joe Gorga cannot seem to come to grips with the cheating accusations about his wife, the ex stripper, oops I mean faithful housewife! She is writing a book, Love Italian Style The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage!

Oops, I coughed up a fur ball!

I look pretty good, don't I?

Will little Joe Gorga throw dishes? Will manipulator Melissa fess up?

Will they cart Joe Guidice and Teresa off to the big house? Oops I mean their mansion. Will Rosie lose her cool? Will Rich tell them to stuff themselves with Kathy's cannolis?

Time will tell. Stay tuned! Same Jersey time! Same Jersey channel!

We will be Lili lounging in front of our television as should all of you!

Ciao!

Let me tell you something.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day at www.gocomics.com. 

Closed Circuit Movie Review or Why Didn't I Just Stay Home and have a Bubble Bath?

Closed Circuit Movie Review or Why Didn't I Just Stay Home and have a Bubble Bath?

Hello loves. It's me, Lili of Lili-Land wishing you all a Lili-icious Day.

The other day Derek and Meeko insisted on going to see a real thrillsville of a movie called Closed Circuit.

Let me tell you, North by Northwest was a thriller. Strangers on a Train was a thriller. This heap of boredom pretends to be a lot of things, but it's no Shadow of a Doubt.

I fell asleep ten minutes into this mess so there isn't much I can really tell you. The three gallons of Mountain Dew caused me nightmares while I slept.

I haven't seen this one in ages... what the heck is her name again?

I think he liked my dress, but then, who wouldn't.

So, if someone insists on seeing this boring mess, even if it does have Eric Bana, just say "Lili told me not to."

Cheers and have a Lili-icious Day.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys at www.gocomics.com

Dancing with the Stars and ME, Lili

Hello! It's me, Lili, of Lili-Land!

Finally Dancing with the Stars revealed their new cast for that dance off extravaganza. Of course the producers of the show called me, Lili, but I barked out a big, "NO!"

I reminded them that I, Lili am an up and coming star. I can't dance on their show with these has-beens and wanna-bees!

They explained to me they were aware I am a big name, but they wanted publicity for the show to boost viewership.

So I being the Lili I am agreed to do some photo ops for the new season to promote the show. Here they are! Don't forget to watch DWTS this season. I will be tuned in!

My audtion... I was hitting a groove.

Presenting.... the new Stars...or should I say... Old Cast?

Hands down to be the winner.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day at www.gocomics.com.

I'm Candy Crushing It!

I think they were discussing video poker strategies. Please be quiet while I crush some candy.

Hi all it's me Lili, of Lili-Land. 

I was in Washington recently attending some fancy gathering at the White House. They asked me to sit in on a meeting to offer my Oh, So Fabulous opinions but it was interfering with my new love, Candy Crush. I'm at level 89 and as they say in Hollywood, I was "Crushing it."

It was all talk, talk, talk. Finally, I walked out and went back to the hotel for Spa day. It was delightful. I had my paws wrapped. They were quite sore from all that Candy Crushing.

I have no idea what that meeting was about, but I'm sure our leaders will screw something up.

I'll be back home as soon as you can say "Lili-Sweet-Delicious-Devine!"

Don't forget to read up on my favorite Green Monkeys at www.gocomics.com

Being Teresa

Hello all, it's ME, Lili, of Lili-Land.

I made my way to the hair salon and asked for an Oh, So, Trendy Update.

I don't know how Teresa Giudice does it, but I think I'm going to either fall over or bugs are going to find a nesting place in this monstrosity.

You all have a Lili-icious Day.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday over at gocomics.com.

A Real Yawning Good Time in Arizona with the RHONJ.

Oh ... Hello from sunny Arizona! 

I was hanging with Derek and Meeko watching the happenings at the Meditation Guru ranch with those crazy New Jersey Housewives. Sorry I missed the blog about the show last week, but as you know I was at the Venice Film Festival. 

M.r Clooney trumps the RHONJ! 

So I will combine two shows in one. In one word: Boring! Where are the fights? The table throwing tantrums? The hair extension pulling from the previous seasons. 

They board a plane to Arizona for that Melissa's birthday.

He makes me laugh.

When they arrived everyone one seemed a bit out of sorts on this trip. They all needed a therapy session, but in true Melissa style, she got sick and sat out of most of the self help activities. She wanted a drink! Wake up, Melissa! Drinks just aggravate the situation, and besides you may spill the beans on your past shenanigans. 

Joe Gorga bragged that he paid for the whole trip, but I say, "Thank You, Bravo!"

There was a psychic that spoke to the deceased. This part was amusing. She was no George Anderson! She guessed a few names in the beginning that were wrong, then she brought up the "Teresa and Melissa" situation. I could have done this reading! These folks are on television! We know all about their lives. The scene with Rich Wakile was touching. Meeko cried! He's a nut. I calmly sipped my Iced Lime cooler from Starbucks. They are the best.

There was a ceremony burning the bad things and putting them in the past.

Meeko thought I should do that. I showed my teeth and he quickly said he was joking. Silly cat. Cats are always stirring the pot. Just plain sneaky. I love to call Meeko, Melissa,  because she is like a mountain lion! Sneaky and meow!!!

There was therapy with a horse. A HORSE? Yes... a horse. My favorite part of the show, I love horses! Of course everyone had a deep awakening with the horse whisperer. He looked like Dan Rattiner of Dan's Papers. Look him up.You'll see. 

All I wanted to do is ride the horse, NOT clean his hoof! I leave that for the stable hands. Yuck.

Ho-hum.

Teresa, Joe Gorga and Melissa couldn't pick up the horses hoof. I shouted out, "Issues! These three have issues!"
 
I know Rich usually gets my fur in a knot and a growl in my throat but I must say he is the most honest on the show along with Rosie.

All I could think of is that poor horse. We yelled, "Kick 'em, Cracker!"

Is there trouble in paradise for Rich and Kathy? I hope not. They seem a bit off lately. Get back in the saddle and fix your marriage!

Jacqueline cried, and Teresa made nice and hugged her. Joe, Joe Guidice was tired and hung over, but he attempted the hoof cleaning, and... he did it! He is nervous about his jail time. He is scared. Well, I would too. Can you imagine me, Lili, in jail. I don't look good in orange unless it's an orange Hermes scarf.

They gave Albert a bit of a storyline with his abusive childhood. Meeko went through a whole box of tissues in three minutes. He's an odd cat.
 
Caroline was surprised that Albert opened up to the horse man. Please Caroline, realize bravo is paying for some meaty story lines. Albert needs to get paid.

Hey, how old was that horse? He seemed to be tired.

But then I realized, the horse was as bored as I was watching these people.

Kathy must lose her hat selections! You are not me! Kathy. I, Lili, look Lili-glorious in hats, but you are not cutting it.

I have nothing to say.

I coughed up a fur ball when Teresa came out in her bejeweled bikini. I must say I look much better in my bikini. She thinks she looks fabulous in her black long hair. Well she doesn't look Lili-fabulous like me! I look stunning in my gorgeous blonde locks and my black wig. After all, I am Lili! Teresa made a comment that she is just Teresa. Well yes you are, Teresa. 

You trail behind me, Lili, on this horse ride.

You are a true showoff Teresa! Not humble as I am! I am a star! I am gorgeous and everyone knows it but, at least, I am humble! Take a page from my book!

Maybe a big casting agent will toss you a bone.

Yuck, what's that smell? Oh, it's the smell of BORING.

As much as I find Joe Joe Guidice amusing, Teresa states he is an honest guy and doesn't deserve this .. Umm...Teresa, can you spell FRAUD? With your track record in grammar and spelling, probably not! I am not a mean girl, so I wish them luck because I feel sorry for their kids. They don't deserve these problems.

The drumming was umm..different. It was lovely, but I went drumming in Africa, once with Clint E. and it was intense! But, that's another story.

I was hitting a major groove... come on, keep up and don't spoil the beat.

Rosie made an announcement that people should treat Kathy better. Teresa's response? Kathy is having her "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia moment." My ears perked up... OOOOH, A Brady Bunch reference! We gave each other a high paw five! We love the reruns. I've seen every episode 20 times.

So in this show, everyone makes nice and this spells lackluster!

What really got my tail thumping was the preview for next week! 
Little joe Gorga loses his temper! Stay tuned and have a Lili-icious Day.


Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day over at www.gocomics.com

Truth is stranger than La Parmigiana

Hello, all it's me, Lili of Lili-Land.

On this Sunday of Labor Day Weekend I find myself somewhat sad to see the passing of the summer. No more sitting around the pool being waited on by my pool-dog Peeples, the Pink Poodle. No more drives to the beach to bark at the seagulls.

Oh, wait... I can whisk myself off to La-La Land and visit all my friends and fans. Maybe even a trip to Palm Springs or back to Lake Como with Georgie Clooney... I have endless possibilities.

I am remembering that warm summer night sitting in front of La Parmigiana when that odd couple got into a fight.

Well, here is the episode of The Green Monkeys that is loosely based on that strange event. Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day at www.gocomics.com.

Have a Lili-Licious Wonderful Labor Day Weekend.

Ciao.