In the Land of Late Night Pizza Nightmares and Turner Classic Movies

Hello, all! It's me, Lili from Lili-Land.

Derek, my BFF, and I love to watch old movies on Turner Classic Movies. But I don't think I should have had that last slice of cold pizza after midnight. Snacking is a no-no. I have to watch my figure.

Here are a few of the dreams I had as I tossed and turned all night long with an upset tummy.

It's mutiny. I tell you it's MUTINY.

George Clooney should do a remake of this Hitchcock classic.

Go, on... kiss the girl. You know you want to.

Dana Andrews loves me...he really, really loves ME. And why not?

I hate birds. For that matter I hate screaming kids too.... ahhhh the nightmare.

What the...???? OH, my. This place needs a Lili-Like makeover.... more pink.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday at www.thegreenmonkeys.com.

The Artists Writers Softball Game in Easthampton

The Artists Writers Softball Game in Easthampton

Hello, all! It was another Lili-Like day in Easthampton at the Artist Writers Softball Game to benefit local charities. All for a good cause. I Lili was so conflicted. I am a writer but my whole life is art, Sooooo... I played on both sides. No one seemed to mind, except  Mike Lupica. He's a bit of stickler for rules. I gave him a wave of my paw and went shopping in town. 

But before all the Lili drama with Sour-Puus Mike, I hung out with Jimmy Lipton for a spell.  He begged me to be a guest on his show The Actors Studio. He thinks I am fabulous, and I have to agree. I am Super-Lili-fabulous. I told him to let me check my schedule. he was relentless. So, I agreed to do his show in the future. He smiled so brightly, I need to put on my Chanel sunglasses.

Hanging out with Jimmy and talking on the radio.

Jimmy then pleaded with me to be on his team, so I said yes and I gave him a high paw five.

I was waiting for the game to begin when Matt Lauer asked me for my picture. Of course I posed for a few snapshots, but I felt very put upon when he asked me to autograph them all...To Him!

Matt wanted my picture. Who am I to deny my fans.

Ugh... Fame is difficult at times, but I never let down my fans because they love me and I love Me!

Matt asked me to walk with him because he was so star struck! So we strolled the grounds and we bumped into the one and only Dan Rattiner, who is equally as popular as me. Well, of course, I might be a percent more, I am Lili!

The poop-arazzi crowded us and took more photos. Matt and Dan thanked me for the opportunity. We air kissed as most celebrities do and parted ways. I didn't have the heart to tell Matt... I was a Good Morning, America fan. 

When the game started, the two teams were fighting who would get me, Lili on their teams. I could not decide so I played on both sides. I played short stop, like Derek's favorite Yankee player, Derek Jeter. Mike Lupica being the oh, so, serious player, insisted I take off my signature pink heels. I growled, you will never catch this gal in sneakers! He was ripping mad.

This was taken by Lisa Tamburini right before I dropped the ball.

Then it happened, I was playing short stop on his team and dropped the ball! I could not run in my heels. So Mike, being Mike, tossed me out of the game. So that's when it happened, I gave him an angry tail thump and a paw toss combined and left to go shopping.

The moment Mike Lupica had me thrown out of the game.

Meeko and Derek were booing him and the whole crowd of spectators and the other players gave me a standing ovation. I threw them kisses and Mike sulked on the bench.

President Clinton was disappointed because he missed an opportunity to have a photo with me, I was shopping! 

See you on Main Street  Mr. President!

Even though I Lili was tossed out of the game, it was for Charity.

No harm ! No Growl!

Who is that strange man in that HAT? OH...it's Dan of course. I didn't have the heart to tell Matt I watch Good Morning, America.

 Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys today and everyday at www.thegreenmonkeys.com.

The Butler Did It!

The Butler!
Hello all, it's me, Lili.
 
The Butler! Derek and Meeko thought  this was the American version of Downton Abbey, but once again, they were wrong!

One of the many scenes that was cut from the final edit.

Needless to say, this was a fine movie.

The movie spans 30 years of service of a gentleman who was a Butler to eight American presidents.
Oprah makes her acting comeback. I am not sure why they didn't call me back. I auditioned for a part and even filmed a few scenes. I was in one scene with Oprah when she was dancing on screen to Soul Train. We had a blast, but for some reasons the producers thought I stole the show... so they asked me... very nicely, if I didn't mind if they cut me out of the movie. 

I got my goove on... woo woo.

Oprah was crying because I simply looked too fabulous. So I, being Lili, gave my approval to have the scene cut.

I loved Forest Whitaker. That man can almost act as well as me! 

The movie touched on numerous subjects including slavery, civil rights, the black panthers and equality.

It was sad in some part, so Meeko cried most of the time. I teared up, but I, being Lili, love to look my best at all times, so I composed myself. Derek took my paw in his and held it tightly.

We were glued to the screen. Oprah was goterrificd, but I think she didn't have to be so jelosy of my acting ability. This might have been my time to shine! Well, I am younger, so I have time. I do love Oprah and so does Derek. 

We had a good snicker, because I said, "I am low maintenance compared to Oprah because I don't buy $38,000 handbags!"

Meeko chimed in, "Not yet!" I snarled at him. He apologized for his faux paw. All was well in Lili-land.

I mentioned to Derek, a $5000 bag would be enough for me. Derek smiled and said I am worth every penny and more! Of course Derek is correct.

The movie had wonderful food in it. I loved the fried chicken, the cakes and cookies and potato salad! Yum! Look for me at the State dinner in the film. 
I look smashing!

I did think John Cusack looked a little too young to play Nixon.

All in all it was a great movie. We enjoyed it! 
A big bark out to Oprah! You did well girl! Of course I forgive you for pushing me out of the movie. I know I would have been nominated for the Oscar.

No harm, no growl! 

Go out and see The Butler! We did! You'll thank us.

Have a Lili-Like Day and don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday.

I make another appearance in My Favorite Comic Strip: The Green Monkeys

Hello all... It's me Lili. From time to time, I, Lili, appear in a wonderful comic strip called The Green Monkeys. You can read it everyday at their website and if you sign up at www.gocomics.com you can get Monkeys and all sorts of other nifty comics.

But the only one you really need to read is the one with ME in it.

More later from a glorious weekend here in the Hamptons.

Smelling the Flowers in the Hamptons

Hello, all! IT's me, your favorite Hamptonite Blogger. Is that what I am? I thought I was a Princess... I am, I am. I am a Princess with a capital P.

I got out the door yesterday while Derek, my BFF, was visiting. He was napping in front of the television catching up on all the dreadful world news.

I came upon a flower I did not plant. Simply growing there with no help from me. A lone flower on the lawn. And it reminded me... about the little things we should be thankful for. All the fuss and the bother of everyday life... the hunt for a treat... worrying about  fleas... those nasty, little, yappy D-O-Gs living across the street.... it all washed away as I looked at that beautiful flower basking in the glorious summer sun.

It's leaves turned upward... it's color as bright as the morning sun. As bright as a pat of the most delicious butter. Hmmmm... I'm hungry. I think I could use a nice scone served with a hot cup of the Queen's Tea.

So, there I was contemplating life and all it's wonder. It's the simple things in life that matter.

Then... a bee stung me.

Nasty bee.

Have a sparkling day.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday.

RHONJ Mendin' fences with Joisey Royalty

RHONJ

Hi fellow NJ Houzewives followerz! It is me, Lili! 

Yes, it is truly me. I was using my Joisey accent. Wow, what a difference a show makes. Let's toss a bone around and discuss the happenings last Sunday. Oh, I realize I am late with this particular blog, but I was rubbing paws with Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin in Easthampton over the weekend. I have been busier than a bee in a Winnie-the-Pooh story book. Let me tell you, Gwyneth got stung! (See my blog about Authors Night)

Authors Night in Easthampton. Eat your heart out Teresa.

Where do I begin to tell this story of the greatest makeup in TV Land? Well, to start with, the show opens with the dramatic highlights of the previous episode.

Derek and I shouted at the screen, "Ugh! Move along, nothing to see here. Boring! We snickered. Meeko shushed us. Being a cat, he is very uptight at times. We settled in our recliners and snacked on treats imported from Italy to create the mood of an Italian household.

To get to the jist of it... Teresa and Jacqueline made peace at the restaurant pow-wow, but I am sure in the future their husbands will have to pry the knives out of their backs. 

WAAAAAA, WAAAAAAAAA!

I turned to Derek and Meeko and whispered, "Phony, phony, phony." I gave the old Lili paw toss. I give it three episodes and they will be barking at each other. They agreed of course, because I, being Lili, am always right.

They skip to Jacqueline and Kathy Wakile shopping together. Every time I hear the name Wakile, I want to wear a Lei and Hula Dance with my grass skirt on! It is so Hawaiian sounding... Wakile, Wakile! Derek and Meeko LOL.

We were entertaining ourselves watching this show!

Jacqueline being Jacqueline reveals she wants to have a tummy tuck and her neck tightened. Ouch! TMI. Do we have to know this? Derek and Meeko assured me that I, Lili am perfect! I have a great figure and this Gals neck doesn't have any chickens hanging from it!

Note to Jacqueline: What are you thinking? Love yourself for you! I, Lili, love myself, and so does everyone else! 

I almost tossed my treats when they showed Jacqueline's stomach skin sitting on the table. Ugh, was that necessary Bravo? Bad enough we had to witness it on her! Meeko was eyeballing it like all cats would but I quickly growled at him and he composed himself.

Tooooooo Much INFORMATION.

Jacqueline also had on makeup during the procedure. This is not reality! I was barking annoyed and I drafted a letter to Bravo. You don't wear makeup in the operating room. I go au natural all the time and I am smashingly Lili-gorgeous!

Honestly, Jacqueline's behavior, even the night before surgery, was ridiculous. The drinking and acting out really made her parents uncomfortable. Even her daughter Ashley seemed mortified. Wake up Jacqueline. It's not all about you, it's about me, Lili. And just me, I mean really!

Moving along, lets not give Jacqueline anymore attention.

Uncle Joe took Gia, his niece and goddaughter on a go-karting date. Gia, along with her friends, who are barely 13 years old were primping in the mirror, globbing on tons of makeup. It looked as if they needed a tractor trailer to truck it all into New Jersey! What child at that age wears all that make up? Those girls had so much goop on, if they smiled their faces will crack.

When Meeko heard me go on about this, he gave me a loud MEOW!

How dare he! 

I growled and Derek backed me up. I, Lili just feel kids should be kids! Meeko hissed and I gave him a nasty thump of my tail and he hid under the sofa for the part of the show.

Well, we coaxed Meeko out with a dish of Fancy Feast. He was purring in no time.

We all made nice and stood glued to the set. Gia and Uncle Joe went go-karting and little Joe being the juvenile just had to win. He really has issues. They hashed out the family drama and Gia gave it to him straight on a platter holding lasagna. 

A big old heaping portion of reality check.

She cut through the layers of all the drama-loo of this family feud. The kid can see the writing on the wall, even through the heavy eye makeup. Gia, bravo to you (no pun intended), you have more sense than your Uncle Joe!

I could have done without the flashbacks. Gia singing? That poor girl is going to get taunted at school! Bad enough we had to endure Melissa's On Display song!

Of course, I, Lili, have a Lili-fabulous voice, but you don't see me belting out my songs. Well, not yet!

They show Joe Gorga in an outtake revealing he is embarrassed of himself. I had thoughts of my friend, Peeples, the poodle's expression, when she had an accident on my oriental rug. Not pretty! Nor are you Joe Gorga! You should be embarrassed. Not only of your behavior but of your sizzle tan billboard. Eek!

Then we are back to the boring Manzo's. They discuss their BLK Water. Yuck! Did you hear... people prefer sparkling and clear? I guess not! Their Uncle Chris expresses his concerns that Chris and Albie are not invested enough in the product. He wants them to marry it! Umm .. Okay.

They go on and on about it. Frankly the three of us dozed off. I have to admit, they are a tad boring.

We woke up with Chris telling his Uncle that BLK is their main B word?
I turned to Derek and gasped, "Do they have a female D-O-G?" We were lost as was Meeko.

The group goes to a Zumba fund raiser and make nice. Jacqueline and Teresa share a hug. All very phony!

And a one, two... cha-cha-cha.

The Manzo's throw a going away party for Greg Bennett. He is leaving to go live in San Francisco, where he and Tony Bennett apparently left their hearts.

Bye-bye and good riddance. Give me a high Paw-Five. Cry baby.

Caroline was crying. We couldn't figure that out. Albie looked like he was down and out. I thought he was going to burst into tears. Derek turned to me and said, "Go figure."

The whole scene confused me. Who cares if he leaves. He didnt even have a storyline. He was a Manzo groupie.

All in all, I must say, let the feud rise from the ashes because this is getting old folks!

Maybe bravo should have a new show: The Lovely Lili-icious Life of Lili of Lililand!

Derek and I snickered and so did Meeko. We gave each other a High Paw-Five at my suggestion.

Just putting it out there!

Stay tuned for next week's update on RHONJ!!!

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday.





Sent from my iPad

Green with envy over Gwyneth Paltrow? Authors Night Update!

Emergency update

EastHampton's Authors Night

Green with envy over Gwyneth Paltrow?

Hi, it's me once again Lili! I felt compelled to chime in on all the gossip. Authors Night is getting lots of press! When Derek read it to me, my fur was in a knot!

Wasn't this night about me?

What is all this hullabaloo about Gwyneth Paltrow? Everyone is picking on my friend.

First of all, why are two of the authors complaining that Gwyneth stole their thunder that night? News flash! I was at the center of the storm!

Many fans came to see me... I'm sure of it.

It was my understanding that the poop-arazzi was there for me, Lili. Gwyneth and I discussed this and she agreed they were really dogging ME. I even turned down Alec Baldwin for a photo-op. 

Yes, I was sitting with Gwyneth and the fans were crowding the table blocking the other authors at a point, but it was for me, the fabulous Lili!

Yes, it is true there were body guards. Two for Gwyneth and THREE for me!
It is always about me, me, me. And now, poor Gwyneth is taking the heat for my popularity!

At one point the author Christina Oxenberg said she had to crawl under the table to get to her seat because of US. Yes, cats do crawl on all fours! Meow! I think she even has green eyes!

Note to miss Oxenberg: Yes, I had a whiff of your plate of protein. Gwyneth doesn't eat steak, but I have to admit, when you were not looking, I grabbed a piece of steak! Yum! Thank you Christina!

Please everyone, I really think all the press was there for me! Right? 
So give Gwyneth a break.

She was nothing but gracious and engaging during Authors Night as was I, Lili.
Don't hate us because we are popular and beautiful!

Any press is good press! Just spell my name correctly.

L-I-L-I


Have a sparkling day!

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day.