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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Lili and Juan Pablo: Run Girls... RUN.

The Bachelor: Juan Pablo 

Hello all! It's me Lili of Lili-Land. Derek and I settled in last night to view the Bachelor. We always watch it on the DVR so we don't have to suffer through the commercials although the commercials do give us time to dish the dirt on all the cats... I mean woman.

Derek teased, "Luceeeeee, oh Luceeeeeee! Let go to The Club and Babbaloooooo!" He kept taking like Desi.

Needless to say, I hit Derek with a taco chip and some guacamole. I gave him a big SSSSSSSSHUSH!!!

Here are some of my rambling comments from the first episode.

The woman we started to make fun of ended up being tossed off the show on this first episode. We called her Cheese Face, itchy nose. Eek, Lauren H stop scrunching that nose! Maybe you'd land a man. (I'm being bad and Derek told me take that out... I told him I'd think it over.)

A fishing hook? Honey you need a bigger hook to catch this man!
Like a million dollar bank account.

Ooh, Molly the dog is the best looking one on the show. Derek was howling at the moon over Molly. I threw some more chips at him. "Down boy," I snapped.

Oh a prescription? Juan just takes a pill? How crazy was that? 

Wow! An opera singer... but Juan is a One Note Wonder, she won't get a rose... but low and behold... Juan shocked us both by giving her a rose. Maybe he can spot class when he sees it. Either that or he might be an opera fan... this is a true puzzle.

Andiie the prosecutor is my pick because she has a JOB and Juan doesn't seem to have one.

Run girls run. You'll be paying Juan's bills for years if you hook up with this one.

Derek excessively talks during the bachelor, I have to pay attention because I can't always understand that accent. My little ears have trouble with this.

Derek said Juan has beady eyes, he doesn't trust him. Yes, he does have beady eyes.

I said it is all the beans. He probably has flatuance and is holding it in. All that Spanish food. Yuck.

A single mom? Trust me honey, you have no chemistry and besides, excuse me, but Juan is not supporting another child... I don't think he can support the one he has...but then again I don't know everything. Derek thinks I'm too harsh. News Flash read the National Enquirer.

Lucy the FREE spirit, is that your feet I smell? Get some heels sweety.
Derek said she can sit on his lap anytime.
I hit him with a burrito. 

The massage therapist? Down girl! You want to pour oil all over Juan?
What? Are you frying eggs?
Even Juan said the massage was pretty awkward.

Oh these girls are all so pathetic fretting over the first impression rose. Please girls.
Fast forward, THIS Juan is not the marrying kind.

Derek and I just love Photo Booths. Juan Carlo take off that pirate hat! Notice he cut Chelsea out of most of the photos.
The girls are getting upset and spying on Juan and other girls. 
Oh, did you know Lauren H was engaged to be married? Here's a tissue... NO rose for you. Go home. NEXT.

You are emotional from your breakup a short few months ago.
Tell all your business to the meow sitting next to you. Please that CAT will push you aside as if in a race to a catnip treat.

We can't wait till next week.
Have a Lili-icious Day.

And don't forget to read The Green Monkeys everyday at

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