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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year 2014

Hello all. It's me Lili of Lili-Land and it's time for my first annual Happy New Year Greeting to you all.

It's been a crazy year as you can see from all the notes I've penned here. Derek is taking me out dancing tonight at a big club in New York where we'll watch the ball drop and drink Shirley Temples all night long.

Well... faked you out. We never go out on New Year's Eve.  New Year's is only for the lamest of lamos as our friend Meeko, he's a cat, always says.

The three of us will dine at home with shrimp, cookies, and more cookies cause tomorrow is DIET day for us all. We all seem to have been gaining a few pounds.

So here is a big old Hip Hip Hoooray for 2014. May all your dreams come true.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Lili's Pawn Stars Christmas

Hello all it's me Lili of Lili-Land and it's my favorite time of year.

Time to return all those useless items that Derek and Meeko bought for me. They mean well but I always tell them, if it's not in a blue box (Tiffany's..HINT HINT) it's going back to the store.

The best thing we all did over the Holiday was endlessly watch Pawn Stars. We just love Chumlee and the Old Man.

Well I'm off to pick up some new things. In fact, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to run over to see The Old Man and pawn all this stuff and see what items I can pick up.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys at

Monday, December 23, 2013

A Very Merry Christmas

Hello all it's ME, Lili of Lili-Land wishing each and everyone of you a most joyous Christmas.

Derek and I went Christmas shopping today in search of a gift for our good friend Meeko, he's a cat. And being a cat he's a bit fussy about gifts.

But we think we found him the perfect one: an enormous cashmere ball of the yarn. Pink of course. He loved it. In fact he's been playing with it all morning.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Saving Mr. Banks and Lili Paw-pins!

Hello from Lili-Land. It's me Lili and have I got a treat for you.

A while back Tom, Hanks that is, picked up the phone and called me, Lili, begging me to do a quick cameo in his new film, Saving Mr. Banks.

I tried to turn him down. But really... who turns down Tom when he calls?

So, with a quick flick of my trusty flying umbrella I whisked myself off to Hollywood for one day of work on Mr. Banks. Tom was a dear and personally put me up in the Beverly Hills Hotel mostly because I love PINK, PINK, PINK.

And of course my BFF tagged along. Derek was a dear and made sure that the hotel staff provided me with everything I needed so that I could study my lines for the shoot later that week. 

As I was sunning myself by the pool I glanced over and wouldn't you know it. There was Meeko, he's a cat. "Why, Meeko, my dear, whatever are you doing here?" 

Meeko claimed he was there to only help Derek and offered to get me a drink from the Polo Lounge. I asked him for a Shirley Temple and told him to keep them coming. Meeko ordered a few for himself. He also order us a nice lunch of cold lobster and some very expensive dog treats.

Meeko is such a dear, I thought, untill I realized he was charging it all to MY room. 

Tom, Hanks that is, personally came over to the hotel after stopping the production that morning and tossed Meeko out of the hotel.

Derek and I laughed and laughed.

But back to more important matters. Saving Mr. Banks is one of the best movies of the year. I just adore Disney and that little mouse... what's his name? Oh, yes... MICKEY. He's a really star. Just like me.

See this film. It's touching, charming, fun, sad... it will make you cheer and laugh and weep all at the same time. I can't say much more than that.

Toodles from Lili-Land. More later.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys over at

Friday, December 20, 2013

Do the Hustle or Get Hustled: American Hustle

Hello all... It is me, Lili of Lili-Land! 

I somewhat recall David O. Russell calling my agent Mr Matthew, I call him "Mr. Mathchoo" because he sneezes around me all the time. He tells me it is a canine thing. Some sort of allergy. 

I have no clue what he means, so I just give him Kleenex tissues. Anyway, David wanted me to star in the movie, but my schedule was full so I just did cameo shots for the movie trailer. You know to bring in the audience. 

I never read the fine print or for that matter the script. Mr Matthew warned me against that sort of thing, but me being me told Derek to read the contract and give me the jist of it! He and Meeko read it and said, oh go for it! It is about disco dancing! I found out later the two of them just wanted to meet Christian Bale! 

Christian Bale had Meeko tossed off the set the first day. Seems he isn't a cat person... who is? I'm just kidding. No offense to all my cat loving friends. But Christian Batman just didn't like Meeko cause that dumb cat kept trying to get him to say, "I'm Batman." Christian would have none of that nonsense. 

Anyway... I did some quick filming for the trailer and ran off to a day of shopping at the Mall in New Jersey. They have a lot of great tax free shopping over there. 

So.... a few months go by... and then.... 

I was in the movie mood so I decided to see American Hustle! Meeko told me it was a film about the art of dancing. You know the old dance craze the hustle! 

So, of course Derek and I said we were in! We love to dance! My pads twinkle across the floor like vanilla ice cream melting. I am smooth and cool on my feet.

News flash! American Hustle was not about dancing!

And that little nasty director actually cut me out of my cameo scenes. I guess Bobby D. had to have top billing as a cameo. Ugh... MEN.

I turned to Meeko (he's a cat) wide eyed! "You crazy cat," I whispered. "This is not about dancing!"

Meeko being the cat he is, hissed at me. 

They are just trying to make some money. "Not everyone lives in Lili-Land," he snarled.What a snippy little thing he is.
Well I was appalled, but Derek calmed me down with a big bucket of popcorn with extra butter and goobers mixed in. He even gave me a new pink glove to wear so my paws would not get greasy.

So I settled in to watch the movie.

To put it lightly... They were all crooks with crazy clothes, bad accents and terrible hair. But although there was a dance scene in it, the movie was not about the art of dancing. It was about the art of conning! The actors in the film were all great. The soundtrack had Derek and I dancing in our seats.

In truth, I thought David was trying to reach for the Martin Scorsese Award. David clearly studied Goodfellows. Memo to David. Be yourself. 

It's a fine film that in the end could have used a little cutting. Say about 10 minutes.

Don't forget to read the Green Monkey at

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

It's ME Lili of Lili-Land on the Cover of Dan's Papers.

I agreed to appear on this week's cover of Dan's Paper. I waved my usual fee of $50,000 per hour and posed for this by that world renowned artist Michael Paraskevas.

I hope you all have a Lili-icious Wonderful Christmas and a Happy Joyous New Year.... and that you get terrific presents like I do.


Saturday, November 30, 2013

Look, It's ME, Lili of Lili-Land with my BFF Derek on the cover of Dan's Papers

That's me Lili of Lili-Land sitting pretty on Dan's Papers cover for this week's Thanksgiving issue. I think it looks just like me. That's Derek sitting next to me waiting for a cookie from our favorite bakery. 

You can read the paper here at

I think the artist did a wonderful job at capturing me. He did a nice job on Derek too and also Tate's Bakery but I can't stop staring at myself.

Have a Lili-icious Day and don't shop too much but if you do... #shopsmall .

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Move Over Brian Griffin!

Move over Brian Griffin. There's only room for one white dog around here and that's ME... Lili of Lili-Land.

Brian's untimely demise left me momentarily sad and then I thought... Wait... There's only room for one white dog around here. I'm certainly not foul mouthed as is Brian Griffin. I don't smoke or drink. I've been known to toss back a few Shirley Temples and dance the night away, but I always get to bed at a reasonable hour.

So here's to you Brian Griffin. I shed a tear but your days as King are over. Long Live ME.... Queen Lili.

Monday, November 25, 2013

#ShopSmall Saturday with ME... Lili of Lili-Land

#ShopSmall Saturday
November 30,2013
Sponsored by American Express

This gal shops BIG in a #ShopSmall way! My American Express Card is burning a hole in my fur pocket!

Hello all! It is me, Lili! I have been celebrating Hanukkah because I never pass up the opportunity to celebrate a holiday. I am also preparing for a Lili-mas joyous Christmas extravaganza! Let the Shopping begin. 

I gathered Derek and Meeko (he's a cat) to shop Local with me on November 30, Saturday!

One thing for Lili-sure is I shop Big, Big, Big in a small business boutique way!
American Express is promoting a campaign to shop small and help out our tiny stores across the USA!

To start, I will hit the shops in Lovely Westhampton Beach!

First it's the Beach Bakery to sip delicious coffee to warm my paws.  I'll fill Derek and Meeko's sweet tooths with some yummy-licious JELLY DONUTS. Then it's time to chat up Simon the owner! 

Now it's time to begin my shopping whirlwind! I will visit Messina Jewelry and scoop up some diamonds and precious stones for me, me, me! I'm worth it.

I will also get some trinkets for Derek and Meeko! Messina's has lovely cufflings too! I love the one on one attention I receive there!

After that, I will buy up the toy store Sugar Daddy's! They have cool super hero figurines that Derek loves! Toys for the big kid and collector! They have a giant Iron Man statue! Lili Cool! Derek loves this place but I have to keep Meeko's paws off that Iron Man Statue. I'm sure he'll try to scratch out it's eyes. Bad Kitty!

I need some baby gifts so I will make an appearance in Shock Kids! They have great unique stuff!

I also need some NYDJ Jeans, so I will pop over to Shock Women's store! They have great service! I took 5 lbs off my figure with a pair of jeans! Lili fabulous! I need some fantastic sweaters too!

I will race across the street to Blue 1 for some funky clothes for some of my movie star friends! You know who you are! I hate to be a name dropper!

Then we'll stop at Lynne Stoller's Shop for some great designer stuff! What a lovely experience!

We'll be exhausted but onward we'll go... There are more and more stores to hit before we leave! To name a few, Beach Greenery, to pick up some cute things for the home. Westhampton Beach T Shirts, the lovely owners Flo and Jim and of course their D-O-G, Colleen. They make cool customized T Shirts! I ordered 10,000 "I Love Lili Bruno T Shirts" for all my friends! 

The reason? They Love me, Lili!

I cannot forget Fahrenheit! My friend Sammy's mom owns it! Hip and Lili happening clothes!

I can't forget Lynne's for endlessly needed Holiday Cards!
We'll be famished so it's lunch at Margarita Grill!  Always delicious!

Shop Small! American Express is right on target!
Support your local business owner!!!!

I did!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

A Thoring Snoozefest of Epic Proportions

Thor! A Thoring as in Boring Bad Time!

Hello all! It is me, Grand Gal Lili of Lili-Land.

Derek, Meeko (he's a cat) and I went to the movies and saw the much anticipated Thor.

We were a bit confused, at first, since we had not seen the first one... apparently we missed the memo.

None the less....UGH! Let me tell you... It was barking awful! We had a growling grueling time!

First of all, Thor is handsome, but I cannot sit there and watch a man who is trying to be prettier than me! 

Of course, the producers begged me to play the Natalie Portman role but they thought I would outshine the main character Chris Hemsworth and of course I would because I am Lili fantastic.

Anyway, I HATED this movie. The special effects were GEE WHIZ BINGO but that's about it.

The ruthless brother was slightly interesting. He reminded me of Meeko (he's a cat) sneeky at times but fun to watch chase after a mouse.

I don't even know how to review Thor. Only that there were a lot of freaky creatures and Thor swinging his big hammer.

I am so happy I dropped out of this film. It was tiresome. Derek fell asleep. I cracked him over the head and shouted, "WAKE UP!" He thought he got his with Thor's hammer.

Meeko threw popcorn at the screen several times before management at the theater tossed him out.

Please stay home. Don't see this movie.

Thor was a snoring bland time....It would have been better had Thor knocked us all out with that hammer.

Peace, Love and have a Lili-icious Day from here in Lili-Land.

Don't forget to read the Green Monkey at

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Last Vegas with ME, Lili of Lili-Land.

Hello all! It is me, Lili of Lili-Land!

Derek and I went to see the new movie Last Vegas!

What a howl! It was a barking grand time!

I was invited to be in it but some of the shenanigans were not very Lili like. The stars, (I call them the grand papas) begged me.... so I filmed some scenes to keep them happy! Bobby DeNiro, Kevin Kline, Morgan Freeman, and Michael Douglas all did a wonderful job.

As you can see, I took Vegas by storm! They even changed the name!
Lili Vegas!

I do shine!

There was a scene when we were all toasting each other... I had a Shirley temple as did the grandpas! At least that is what they told me.

Because Vegas is sweltering hot, my pads of my paws were overheated so a young man in the movie carried me!

Derek tried to play the slots. He lost. Meeko tried his paws at the Black-Jack tables and he lost too. 

I played the big money wheel because I love the clickity clackity sound that wheel makes. I WON. I should have bet more than a whole dollar. I took my 7 buckaroos in winnings and stopped right there.

Please go see this movie! You will laugh, cry and have a Lili-Grand time!

Without spoiling it for you, friendship is what matters! 

Mary Steenburden was great... But she was a burden (that's what I call her) she would not give me any singing scenes! She didn't want me to steal her thunder! As I say in Lili land, no harm, no growl! Everyone knows who can belt out a tune in Lili grand fashion...ME!

Loved this film!
See you at the movies!

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys daily at

Friday, November 1, 2013

Lili of Lili-Land is Under the Weather.

Hello all it's me Lili of Lili-Land.

I think that Meeko (he's a cat) gave me a cold. He insisted over and over that he had allergies but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... He was sick... and spreading his germs all over my house.

And so now I'm in bed and thank the stars for my BFF, Derek. He is taking excellent care of me in my hour of need.

Aaaaaachooooooo! I'll get back to blogging soon.

Now Meeko insists he's going to catch something from ME. He looks downright ridiculous in that silly mask.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys at

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Update from Lili-Land

Hello All! It is me, Lili of Lili-Land!

Due to my busy schedule I will blogging or as Derek, my BFF, refers to my writing as blarking every Friday! 

I will continue to fill you all in on all the gossip and happenings in my life! 

So please Read! Read! Read!

Tell your friends to read too!

I am busy typing and my pads are sore and I ruined my manicure. OH, bother.

Therefore, this is one more reason I will blog once a week! It's ruining my nails.

Have a Lili-icious week! See you every Friday!


Saturday, October 19, 2013

Escape to Escape Plan

Hello all. It's your favorite Princess, ME, Lili of Lili-Land and I've got a story for you.

Once again I was asked to appear in the big new hit movie, Escape Plan, by my good friends Sly Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I can't say I approve of Arnold's behavior of late, but he's still pretty good in the movies.

So, there I am on the set filming action sequence after sequence when Peeples (he's a poodle) and Meeko (he's a cat) storm onto the set waving some sort of lawyerly paper work complaining that I'm not getting enough money for my appearance in this film.

Arnold (apparently he hates cats) tossed all of us off the set and I was promptly cut from the movie.

Sly called to say he was sorry for the mix up. I know that Meeko (he's a cat) meant well and I'm sure that Peeples (he's a poodle) egged him on, but I told those two that they can't just storm onto a set screaming about money.

Anywho.... it's a wonderful film filled with twists and turns and as the body count piles up you'll be thanking me for telling you to go see this one. Derek and I loved it.

We give it the Big Old Five Buckets of Popcorn. Check your brain at the door... you won't need it. Just enjoy the ride with two old friends. The chemistry between Sly and Arnold is sparkling. Just like me. I sparkle all the time.

You all have a Lili-icious Day and don't forget to read The Green Monkeys over at

Monday, October 14, 2013

Apple Picking Time with Lili and Derek... and Meeko (he's a cat)

Hi everyone! I am back! It's me! Lili of Lili-Land.

Sorry my blogs have been a bit off but once again I was in Europe! 

No, no, not Lake Como but the South of France! But I am back at my desk typing away! Well, not exactly, I dictate and Derek types. One, it ruins my delicate pads and two, typing is OH, SOOOOO exhausting.

Moving a-Lili-long. Meeko, he's a cat, called and suggested we go apple picking and soak in the crisp Autumn air.

I was exasperated! I, Lili go apple picking? Did he flip his cat lid?

But then my mind wondered for a moment and I thought of a fresh crisp apple picked from the tree. Maybe we should go.

We went to the farm and I was shocked that you had to walk to the orchard. I suggested we drive in, but Meeko, being a cat, said rules are rules, we must walk.

So when we arrived in the orchard Meeko failed to realize the trees were very tall. We did not have a ladder! I was annoyed and I felt a growl coming up in my throat. Meeko!!!!!!!

 Derek calmed me! He said, "Lili, don't get your tail in a twirl. Meeko has an idea."

So, of course, there was not any alternative. We went with that silly little cat's idea. After all, the best apples WERE at the top.

As you can see the poop-arazzi snapped my photo and sold it to the National Enquirer.

All was going well until a big wasp was flying around Meeko and as they say, we all came tumbling down!

I never did get any apples!

Meeko as usual cried! The pooperazzi got some random shots of me and I heard the second photo fetched them 25000.00 

The headline: Lili falls from her throne!

Just horrible! 

This gal is always the princess!

OKAY, I need a nap. Have a wonderful Lili-Like Lili-icious Day.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys at

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Enough Said about Enough Said

Hello to all my wonderful friends. It's me, Lili, of Lili-Land.

Derek and I went to the movies last night. We spotted Meeko (he's a cat) two rows in front but we didn't let him know we were there. He talks on and on during a movie and we frequently have to tell him to keep it down.

Enough Said is one of the best movies of the year and I don't want to give any of it away but it even had Derek teary eyed towards the end. It's funny and sad and laugh out loud.

The only thing that really makes me sad is that this is James Gandolfini's last film. He was good in the Sopranos but he really shows his charm in this one. That girl from Seinfeld and him had endless amounts of charms and spark between them.

James... you made me cry.

But back to Meeko, the cat. He was munching on something down in front and at one point I think he must have been chewing on a Milk-Dud cause he shouted out, "I LOST A TOOTH."

He ran out of the theater into a rain storm. He loses a lot of his charm when he gets wet as seen in this photo. I'm sure he's going to get mad when he finds out we posted this picture.


So... go see Enough Said. It deserves an Oscar. Yes, it does.

And don't forget to read The Green Monkeys over at

Monday, October 7, 2013

Rainy Day with Cheaters.

Hello all. It's me Lili of Lili-Land and let me tell you, a rainy day brings out the worst in people.

Case in point: Meeko, he's a cat. Derek and I were going to spend the afternoon watching old movies on Turner Classic when Meeko (you know... the cat) knocked on the door.

He barged in with Monopoly under his arm and proceeded to set up the game on the kitchen table. "Come on guys. Who wants to have some FUN?" he shouted.

We didn't. Derek wanted to nap while it rained outside watching Cary Grant saunter his way through film after film. I personally think Derek is better looking but I digress.

Meeko wouldn't take no for an answer and so we sat there and started. I knew we were all in trouble with Meeko insisted on being the Battleship. I of course was the dog, they don't make a high heel and I can't stand the stupid Boot.

Derek was happy being the Race Car.

It wasn't long into the game when I noticed that Meeko had an awful lot of cash piled up and was already buying hotels. HOTELS?

That's when Derek whispered to me, "I think Meeko, he's a cat, is cheating. I don't remember him buying all those hotels."

Derek growled. Meeko snarled and flipped the board in a huff. Game pieces went flying. One landed in my Cucumber Cooler Drink. That Meeko. He's a real cat.

Meeko stormed out of the house yelling something about being ganged up on every time he tries to have some fun.

He got his when the skies suddenly opened up and he was drenched in buckets of rain.

He looked like a drowned rat... but he's a cat. I think I already said that... the part about him being a cat.

We went back to napping and watching Cary Grant movies.

Today's lesson... never trust a Meeko when playing Monopoly.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys over at

Have a Lili-icious Day.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Gravity (should get Lost in Space)! Yes! Really!

Hello! It is me, Lili of Lili-Land

Derek, Meeko (he's a cat) and I just saw the much anticipated film Gravity.

Sorry Georgie. Clooney, that is. I love you, but not in this film.

The critics and fans loved it over at Rotten Tomatoesbut this film left a nasty taste in my mouth.

I've heard it all...Gripping story? The only thing gripping was Sandra Bullock gripping the space craft and all hell breaks loose.

And who cares? Not me. I shouldn't have, I ended up at the doctors with a severe case of inner ear trouble. The room is still spinning.

Meeko (he's a cat) was under the seat the whole time. I thought he was going to toss his cookies right there but he calmed down when Derek bought him a pile of those crummy pretzels with dipping cheese.

I was thinking I should have seen the new James Gandolfini film 

All I have to say about Gravity is.....

Much ado about nothing. 

Enough said.

Here's Georgie dreaming of me... Lili of Lili-Land. He's so cute, but then... so am I.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Rush to See Rush

Hello all, it's me, Lili of Lili-Land.

Opie, I mean Ron Howard sure knows how to make a good old fashioned, rip roaring, movie with tons of excitement. This one is way better that his last film, The Dilemma. I couldn't get into that one.  Even Angels and Demons was a bit of a mess. NOT this one. This one is a gem.

Derek and I zoomed over to the theater to catch Rush. I told Ron on the set that this was a winner but once again I seem to have ended up on the cutting room floor. I'm beginning to think that someone out in Hollywood doesn't like me. ME... Lili of Lily-Land.

It might have had something to do with the fact that I'm a terrible driver. That's why I have my very own private chauffeur, Al. The last time I was behind the wheel of car was a few years ago and I think it was a pedal car I bought in an antique shop. It was soooo cute. I had it painted pink, my favorite color and I use to drive....

Wait... I seem to have strayed a bit from the topic. I was suppose to be one of the other drivers. I think Ronny liked my acting but after I kept driving one of his expensive cars into the wall of the set, I could blame him for asking me to leave.

Anyway.... I did manage to grab a few photos from the set on the days I was there.


Ron, Why can't I wear my pearls with this outfit, but can't the car be Pink?

You may be good looking but you are going to crash.
Have a Lili-icious Day.

And don't forget to read The Green Monkeys at

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Gravity Falls in Love with Me... Lili of Lili-Land

Gravity Falls in Love with Me... Lili of Lili-Land

Hi everyone! It's me, Lili of Lili-Land.

Sorry you have not heard from me. George Clooney asked me to do promos for his new movie Gravity with Sandra bullock. I was thrilled to help because I was on the set filming with them since I am in a small part of this movie. 
So here are a few scenes that Sandra had cut out of the movie. She's a real DIVA!

"Hand me that doohickey thingy, George."

She felt I was a bigger draw than HER! Of all the nerve. Sorry Sandra! You know I love you! But I love ME too! And so does everyone else! George fought to keep me in the film but I took the high road and quietly help up a paw and walked away.

Here is George Clooney thinking of me.... Lili!

Yes! This is truly me, Lili floating in space! See you at the movies!!! I'm sure the film is terrific.

I'm getting seasick... honest.

Have a Lili Lovely Day!

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day over at

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

The Family: Movie Review

Hello all, it's me, Lili of Lili-Land. Meeko (he's a cat) insisted on going to the movies tonight to see a film that is surely going to be on Blu-ray before you can blink. But we love to sit in the theater and munch on popcorn.

The Movie? The Family staring my old pal Bobby D. and that cheerleader chick from Glee.

This mess proves my point, over and over. It's really difficult to make a black comedy.

As you all know I've appeared on the cutting room floor before. Luc called me up and insisted I shoot all the scenes as the family dog. I objected to the script and he assured me I would have a paw in writing my scenes. 

Well... Let me tell you. Never trust a fussy French director. I walked off the set even as Bobby D. was begging me to stay. I told Bobby to stay away from this badly plotted movie but he wouldn't listen. So be it... we're still friends but his choice in movies is sometimes questionable. This is no Goodfellows or Taxi Driver.

For some reason Meeko, (he's a cat) loved this movie. Derek was indifferent. He spent most of the film with his nosed buried in the popcorn bucket.

The original poster before I walked out.

Tommy, is that botox? You're looking a little long in the tooth.

Eeeeeeeek! What in the name of.....?

Have a Lili-icious Day and don't forget to read The Green Monkeys at every day.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Colonoscopy Lili Style

Good morning! It is me Lili! 

As you all know a colonoscopy is a must these days for prevention! 

So leave to Meeko to suggest I, Lili get one! He had his done and he was actually thrilled with the experience. (What can I say...he's a cat)

I was flabbergasted at first, butt Derek suggested a doctor he saw on the Dr. Oz show. Her name was Dr. Pokinheiny. She was a gastronologist from that grand city New York. 

So my driver, Al, drove me into the city to meet with Nurse Penelope Polyps (Yes, indeed, that is her name) to go over the prep for my "procedure." 

It was not pretty. She told me I could not drink anything pink, red or purple the day before the colonoscopy. That was disappointing since pink is my favorite color.

The night before I feasted on all the food I could eat then the next morning I started my prep. Let me just say Ughhh...Lili-gag awful.

You've got to be kidding me!

Derek gave me a cool cloth for my head. Both Meeko and Derek held my hand and waited on me pads and paws.

The day of the tour of my Lil-pretty derrière was nerve racking. I dressed for success only to arrive at the beautiful surgery center to learn I had to wear a dismal hospital gown. I was Lili flabbergasted! 

I gave the nurse a paw toss and demanded a pink gown! I, being Lili of Lili-Land got my way. With quick results, they supplied me with a gorgeous pink gown made especially for me.

The anesthesiologist explained he was using propanol to put me into twilight. I gasped! I almost fainted. Is that what the King of Pop was on? I asked.

They assured me it was safe and they don't abuse it. They put on the radio to make for a pleasant atmosphere.

In went the IV. I turned on my side and before I knew it, I was awake. 

The ironic part of the story, I woke up listening to Michael Jackson singing Beat It! I am not even joking! Derek snickered, it was my Seinfeld moment.

I got a clean bill of health. I was over Lili-joyed! 

We had a feast fit for a Lili Queen that night to celebrate my Colonoscopy.

I urged you all to GO, just ask for some Frank Sinatra songs instead of anything by The King of Pop.

Monday, September 23, 2013

RHONJ and Ruminations on Life in Joisey

Hello all! It's me Lili! Sorry I missed a few days. I was on the French Riviera with the now infamous Simon Cowell, and as they say on TMZ, his baby mama, what's her name anyway? Ugh... Here comes a fur ball creeping up in the back of my throat with disgust.

Baby mama? Eek, I hate that expression! 

I told Simon I was very disappointed in his shenanigans, but I overlooked it this time because Derek, Meeko and I wanted a free trip on his yacht. Shame on you Simon and shame on you whatever your name is!

Anyway, moving along to the RHONJ. What was up with last week's episode?
There goes Teresa talking trash with that blonde lady, Penny, that talks about tone deaf Melissa. 

What was up with that blondes hair? Was that a wig? It reminded me of this woman who was in The Cole Brothers Circus. That woman on RHONJ the blonde that looks like My Little Pony

Meeko went on and on how her hair wasn't that great! Derek snickered that she probably used Milania Hair Products that Teresa created for Long Manes.

Horsey hair, I chimed in! We all had a great laugh! Penny was like a bad penny who kept showing up!

Frankly the show was quite boring. The best was when Melissa and Little Joe went to meet with a music producer. Melissa was all phony nice and drank seltzer. Joe kept to true form and got all liquored up. The producer told Melissa to drop the club routine and write new songs.

My delicate ears!

Later at her music studio her voice peeled the paint off the walls. It did. I saw it for myself.

You can't sing.
What a hoot and holler Derek (my BFF), Meeko (he's a cat) and I had last Sunday. Melissa's voice was like listening to nails on the blackboard! We laughed! Now I, Lili, sing beautifully! I can teach Melissa a note or two!

I am Lili, HEAR me ROAR.

Another funny moment was Teresa helping Jacqueline with her public speaking. This all coming from a woman who speaks unintelligible. Does the word "ingrediences" ring a bell?

Teresa with her mother and mother-in-law at her Skinny Italian Store. HEY, If it is skinny why are all the men fat on the show?

Kathy's Dylan's Candy store debut. Caroline with her phony migraine could not show up to support her but she quickly recovered the next day.

I can go on and on here but frankly this was quite boring. Much ado about nothing. 

Stay tuned for the next episode and then the finale. I hear there is a brawl brewing on an upcoming episode at the Posh Fashion Show. Nothing like a good brawl when it involves someone other than myself! Now you're barking!

Talk next week!
Have a Lili Grand Time!
Many Lili Air Kisses to you!
See ya! As the say in New Joisey!

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