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Monday, September 2, 2013

A Real Yawning Good Time in Arizona with the RHONJ.

Oh ... Hello from sunny Arizona! 

I was hanging with Derek and Meeko watching the happenings at the Meditation Guru ranch with those crazy New Jersey Housewives. Sorry I missed the blog about the show last week, but as you know I was at the Venice Film Festival. 

M.r Clooney trumps the RHONJ

So I will combine two shows in one. In one word: Boring! Where are the fights? The table throwing tantrums? The hair extension pulling from the previous seasons. 

They board a plane to Arizona for that Melissa's birthday.

He makes me laugh.
When they arrived everyone one seemed a bit out of sorts on this trip. They all needed a therapy session, but in true Melissa style, she got sick and sat out of most of the self help activities. She wanted a drink! Wake up, Melissa! Drinks just aggravate the situation, and besides you may spill the beans on your past shenanigans. 

Joe Gorga bragged that he paid for the whole trip, but I say, "Thank You, Bravo!"

There was a psychic that spoke to the deceased. This part was amusing. She was no George Anderson! She guessed a few names in the beginning that were wrong, then she brought up the "Teresa and Melissa" situation. I could have done this reading! These folks are on television! We know all about their lives. The scene with Rich Wakile was touching. Meeko cried! He's a nut. I calmly sipped my Iced Lime cooler from Starbucks. They are the best.

There was a ceremony burning the bad things and putting them in the past.

Meeko thought I should do that. I showed my teeth and he quickly said he was joking. Silly cat. Cats are always stirring the pot. Just plain sneaky. I love to call Meeko, Melissa,  because she is like a mountain lion! Sneaky and meow!!!

There was therapy with a horse. A HORSE? Yes... a horse. My favorite part of the show, I love horses! Of course everyone had a deep awakening with the horse whisperer. He looked like Dan Rattiner of Dan's Papers. Look him up.You'll see. 

All I wanted to do is ride the horse, NOT clean his hoof! I leave that for the stable hands. Yuck.

Teresa, Joe Gorga and Melissa couldn't pick up the horses hoof. I shouted out, "Issues! These three have issues!"
I know Rich usually gets my fur in a knot and a growl in my throat but I must say he is the most honest on the show along with Rosie.

All I could think of is that poor horse. We yelled, "Kick 'em, Cracker!"

Is there trouble in paradise for Rich and Kathy? I hope not. They seem a bit off lately. Get back in the saddle and fix your marriage!

Jacqueline cried, and Teresa made nice and hugged her. Joe, Joe Guidice was tired and hung over, but he attempted the hoof cleaning, and... he did it! He is nervous about his jail time. He is scared. Well, I would too. Can you imagine me, Lili, in jail. I don't look good in orange unless it's an orange Hermes scarf.

They gave Albert a bit of a storyline with his abusive childhood. Meeko went through a whole box of tissues in three minutes. He's an odd cat.
Caroline was surprised that Albert opened up to the horse man. Please Caroline, realize bravo is paying for some meaty story lines. Albert needs to get paid.

Hey, how old was that horse? He seemed to be tired.

But then I realized, the horse was as bored as I was watching these people.

Kathy must lose her hat selections! You are not me! Kathy. I, Lili, look Lili-glorious in hats, but you are not cutting it.

I have nothing to say.

I coughed up a fur ball when Teresa came out in her bejeweled bikini. I must say I look much better in my bikini. She thinks she looks fabulous in her black long hair. Well she doesn't look Lili-fabulous like me! I look stunning in my gorgeous blonde locks and my black wig. After all, I am Lili! Teresa made a comment that she is just Teresa. Well yes you are, Teresa. 

You trail behind me, Lili, on this horse ride.

You are a true showoff Teresa! Not humble as I am! I am a star! I am gorgeous and everyone knows it but, at least, I am humble! Take a page from my book!

Maybe a big casting agent will toss you a bone.

Yuck, what's that smell? Oh, it's the smell of BORING.
As much as I find Joe Joe Guidice amusing, Teresa states he is an honest guy and doesn't deserve this .. Umm...Teresa, can you spell FRAUD? With your track record in grammar and spelling, probably not! I am not a mean girl, so I wish them luck because I feel sorry for their kids. They don't deserve these problems.

The drumming was umm..different. It was lovely, but I went drumming in Africa, once with Clint E. and it was intense! But, that's another story.

I was hitting a major groove... come on, keep up and don't spoil the beat.

Rosie made an announcement that people should treat Kathy better. Teresa's response? Kathy is having her "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia moment." My ears perked up... OOOOH, A Brady Bunch reference! We gave each other a high paw five! We love the reruns. I've seen every episode 20 times.

So in this show, everyone makes nice and this spells lackluster!

What really got my tail thumping was the preview for next week! 
Little joe Gorga loses his temper! Stay tuned and have a Lili-icious Day.

Don't forget to read The Green Monkeys every day over at

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